


Another Side of the Story

by shye_rin



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band), Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-06-06 18:23:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15200723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shye_rin/pseuds/shye_rin
Summary: Hyukjae had a misopportunity to confess in college. Donghae is his best friend's ex who checked out of their lives. Now, Hyukjae has a secret and it's Donghae.





	Another Side of the Story

**Author's Note:**

> Written for eosinred and kamenajin. X-posted here.

He watched as Hyukjae slinked away like a cat sneaking into a pantry, all silent and limber. He had meant to see the other and came looking for him. Instead he saw Hyukjae lock the door to his dorm room, cap worn low as if trying to hide his face with the hoodie up.

He was about to call out a hello but decided against it. Keeping his distance, he followed Hyukjae. He was intrigued. Curiosity had him sneaking along like a silent accomplice. They turned a corner and he realised the other was heading into the Performing Arts building.

He waited, contemplating if he should just let Hyukjae be. There was something about him that drew him. The odd times he, Hyukjae and Junsu weren’t together he was always curious what Hyukjae did during his free time. He tried asking Junsu, but the younger always had an arrested look on his face each time he did.

Now was his chance to find out Hyukjae’s little secret.

It felt intimate somehow and that thrilled him. Several minutes passed. He finally made his way into the empty building. His footsteps echoed in the dark hallway. It wasn’t uncommon for the campus buildings to be this silent during the holidays and weekends.

He stalked the hallways, trying to figure out where Hyukjae had disappeared to. As he turned another corner, he heard a faint sound. It sounded oddly muffled. Trusting his instincts, he followed the sound into a dimly lit corridor at the end of the building. The only source of light came from the almost closed door, and so was the muffled sound.

 _Music_ , he realised.

And he stepped inside, without further thought.

 

\---

 

He’d never felt such warmth before.

The sensation of floating on a sea of fuzzy, toasty-warm cotton permeated his mind. It’s so relaxing. A feeling he hadn’t experienced in a while. He moaned softly, turning on his side. Yes, he could definitely stay like this forever. Nothing could ruin this sensation.

Nothing at –

“I’ll get going now.”

He jolted awake. Eyes snapping open.

All the warmth he felt earlier quickly replaced by a sudden chill down his spine. Steeling his back, he grunted in acknowledgement. There was no way he could face the owner of that voice. He knew who it was without looking.

Wrapping the sheet tighter around his naked body, he waited for the front door to click shut – except, it never came. Grudgingly, he sat up. He felt like a criminal about to face the inevitable death sentence for crime he knew he shouldn’t have committed but did anyway.

He turned to face the other man who was muttering about having to leave soon. Lee Donghae was standing in the doorway of his bedroom looking fresh-faced, fully dressed and ready to leave. His eyes searched the clock on the wall.

Barely half past seven in the morning.

Their eyes met. “I thought you’re leaving.”

“I am.” A heavy silence punctuated the stale air inside the bedroom. Everything smelled of sex and sweat. “Just…can you pretend this never happened?”

He gaped. _That_ was not what he expected even though he did drop the hint for the other to scram.

“See you.”

And the man was gone, without so much a farewell. This was the worst morning ever.

\---

That was the last he saw of him.

At least, Hyukjae was convinced it was.

There was nothing more to ponder upon. That was it. It happened one time. Nobody else knew but the two of them. And yet, he could not seem to forget that evening any more than he could erase the lingering thoughts of the man from his mind.

It had been six years since.

Now, he was working as an executive for a private consultancy firm downtown. It’s the kind of job a social climber would kill to have and the pay, too, was quite exorbitant depending on the amount of clients he received per week. It was definitely more than enough to keep him on his toes and pay his bills with money to spare – payday to payday.

Dealing with various types of people every day proved to be interesting. Nothing glamorous, but it suited him just fine. It had become quite a mystery to almost everyone who had met him as to why Lee Hyukjae aged thirty and dressed sharp to the nines – but quite socially shy and distant – would wind up staying in the company for five years counting.

There was a bet originally, placed by the existing workers that he wouldn’t last even a week in the office. True, at first the frequent interaction with people was overwhelming, but overtime he got used to it. Working in the line of public relations required one to at least put on a face, no matter how it felt like a garrotte was slung around your neck.

Hyukjae grimaced at the thought.

The muffled drag of chairs against carpet snapped him out of his musings. It was almost time for the day’s work to begin and he thought faintly, he had done enough private mulling.

Just then an elderly lady walked in through the door. Hyukjae straightened his back and pasted a serene smile on his face. His job had begun for the day and there was no more time for reminiscing.

None at all.

\---

Hyukjae was wrong.

It wasn’t the last he’d seen of the man. They met again in the most normal of circumstances. He was waiting for his daily order of morning coffee and sandwiches and Lee Donghae was grabbing a takeout bag off the counter. Their eyes met.

There was a flicker of recognition in those dark eyes.

He saw the other hesitate. One foot pointed in the direction of the door, another planted firmly by the counter. Hyukjae heard his name being called, snatched his order and walked past Donghae, valiantly pretending to check the content of his takeout bag.

“Hyukjae?”

 _Crap._ He turned reluctantly. “Oh. Donghae.”

They stared at each other.

Damn. He almost reeled from the impact.

The man looked good. He had no business looking that good, especially for someone as heinous as Donghae. He looked bigger than the last time he saw him. More built, those strong shoulders now more buffed. Even through his completely sensible blue dress shirt, Hyukjae could see the muscled biceps and those sinewy hands…

He had to fight not to shake his head physically. This close to him, it was quite a feat.

“You look good,” the other commented, still hesitant – not sure by his silence or he had pegged that Hyukjae was mentally undressing him in public.

“Um...thanks?”

Hyukjae raked his mind for something else to say. He wasn’t obligated to speak with Donghae. They weren’t friends and they hadn’t seen each other in over five years. But walking out right now would seem childish, not to mention rude.

Although…what was one supposed to say to a former friend, who broke your best friend’s heart, whom you happened to sleep with once and hadn’t seen in years? Looking edible or not.

Another awkward silence followed.

A tap on his shoulder startled him. Another customer said they were blocking the counter. He muttered a hurried apology and made a beeline for the door.

Just as the door was about to close, he heard Donghae call out, “I’ll see you around, Hyukjae.”

_Yeah, hell would freeze over first._

\---

“I met Donghae.”

Hyukjae began without preamble, stepping into his friend’s apartment. Junsu closed the door behind them without a word. Together they trotted into the wide open-spaced living room, all minted and shiny mahogany.

“And?” Junsu prompted.

“I don’t know. I just thought I’d tell you.” Hyukjae shrugged, eyeing his best friend carefully. “He did make like the Great Houdini and disappeared without a word.”

The other grimaced, opened his mouth and paused. He looked like he was thinking hard about something. “Look, Hyukkie, about that – “

He raised his hand, stopping Junsu from continuing any further. “I don’t want to hear you defending him all over again. What he did was a dick move. No contest to that. And besides -”

“And I need you to listen to me for once,” Junsu interrupted, almost in exasperation. “What happened, it’s not what you think. It was me.”

Hyukjae shot him a sceptical look. “I’m sure. While we’re at it, I happen to secretly love bugs.”

This time Junsu did look exasperated. “Lee Hyukjae, you listen to me, and listen to me well. What happened, it was years ago and I barely even remember it. Don’t you think ten years is too long to hold grudges against our friend –“

“He’s no longer my friend, neither is he yours.”

“- a _former_ friend for something you don’t even know the whole story to?”

He grunted. “I know enough. So should you.”

The front door swung open, revealing Yoochun, Junsu’s long-time lover. The two became acquainted right after Donghae left Junsu, Hyukjae recalled, watching the newcomer bend down to place a soft kiss on his best friend’s temple. Yoochun nodded at him with a tiny smile before disappearing in the direction of the bedroom.

It had initially caused Junsu and Hyukjae a great deal of friction. Hyukjae wanted Junsu to stay away from the oblivious then in-a-relationship Yoochun, especially after Donghae the abandoner but Junsu had other plans. The latter accused him of mothering too much, it was almost smothering. He pointed out he was only looking out for his friend’s best interest. After all, he had just gotten his heart broken, did he not?

However, Hyukjae was glad to be proven wrong.

After a while, it was clear to anyone with eyes and ears that Yoochun did indeed treasure Junsu. It began as a budding friendship - much to Hyukjae’s chagrin then - to actual good friends with mutual interests and finally becoming lovers after a year of knowing each other.

Still, Hyukjae wasn’t ecstatic about the match in the beginning. It wasn’t that he was jealous or even in love with Junsu, no. He just didn’t want to see his best friend go through the same script for the second time. Junsu, hurt by his distrust of Yoochun scathingly remarked if Hyukjae was such an expert at love, why was he still alone.

The words hit hard. Junsu knew it, as soon as the words left his mouth. His face fell, Junsu’s followed and promptly, the two cried about it for almost an hour. That was how Yoochun found them. He decided it was in his best interest to stay away.

“Clever guy,” Hyukjae managed to choke out through his tears.

Junsu stopped hiccupping, stunned.

They burst out laughing a second later - faces red and smeared with tears. Yoochun returned to find them in pretty much the same position but was relieved to see they had stopped the waterworks. The man held up his hands, heavy with takeout bags and they ate in comfortable silence this time.

Perhaps, Hyukjae thought right then, Yoochun wasn’t that bad a guy. He did make Junsu laugh and seemed to know how to take care of him too. On top of that, he didn’t seem to mind being second best to Junsu’s older twin brother whom Junsu considered his ultimate other half.

When he heard Junsu laugh heartily, he felt the watchful creature inside him sigh and close its eyes. That was it. Junsu was happier than he ever was with Donghae. As his best friend, Hyukjae couldn’t ask for anything else.

He jolted out of his reverie at the sound another door closing. Yoochun came out of the bedroom in what he liked to call his lazy clothes. “Are you staying over for dinner, Hyukjae?”

Smiling, he shook his head. “Maybe next time. I just came to see Junsu. It’s been a while.”

“All the more reason for you to stay,” Yoochun nodded at his lover. “He did seem lonely without you visiting like you usually do. Hope work’s treating you well.”

A pang of guilt hit him, but he nodded anyway. “It is. Right, it’s nice seeing you both. I’ll be going now.”

Once he set foot in his own apartment, Hyukjae sighed. He knew he hadn’t been visiting often. What he did today was more impulse, perhaps a reflex to having met Donghae after all these years. The guilt he felt might’ve been for different reasons.

He was a coward, admittedly. Ever since he slept with Donghae, he’d felt an overwhelming guilt although he was no longer Junsu’s boyfriend. It still felt like a betrayal, for what reason, Hyukjae wasn’t sure. Maybe it was because he slept with his best friend’s ex or maybe it was the fact that this particular ex was the one who did the runner.

Or maybe even…

 _No._ Hyukjae shook his head vigorously.

It was better not to dwell on it, he finally decided much later that night. There wasn’t much to be done. His meeting with Donghae earlier today was pure coincidence, nothing else. It wasn’t a precursor to something more – something much worse. So he shouldn’t waste his time worrying.

So what if Donghae looked exceptionally good – practically edible if he was an honest, depraved human being which he obviously wasn’t – in boring, sensible office clothes while standing in the dim lighting of a crowded café surrounded by the smell of breakfast? It’s nothing he couldn’t handle.

Hyukjae was older now, more sensible and less susceptible to hormones and clearly less likely to be led astray by the leash the heart kept around him called feelings. He knew better.

Of course, he did.

That night he fell asleep dreaming he and Donghae were having sex on the steps of his office. Yoochun and Junsu were cheering them on, keeping score cards. Hyukjae woke up feeling thankful for the first time that a construction was going on outside his apartment.

He squashed the tiny part of him that was disappointed the dream was interrupted too soon.

_Never again._

\---

Hell did freeze over a week later.

Hyukjae scowled at the lone figure standing beside his favourite burger kiosk just outside his office. He contemplated abandoning the burger but decided to hell with it. If he wanted a damn burger he’d bloody well get it, not even if the sky went belching the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse could scare him away.

Let alone a _man_.

Taking out his phone, he pretended to have an intense conversation with someone on the other line. He made his way to the front of the kiosk, paused for effect and ordered two burgers with a side of curly fries and soda.

Things were going well so far, as he placed the phone back to his ear and resumed his nonsense conversation. He could feel eyes boring into the back of his head but he refused to turn.

“Hyukjae.”

He waited another three beats before making a show of turning to face the man. Damn him, he just had to smell so good too, which should be impossible with the smell of burgers wafting around them. He gave him a brief nod of acknowledgement and returning to his phone call.

His phone beeped. He yelped in surprise.

“Caught you.” Donghae’s face came into view, a phone in hand. The playful smirk seemed all too familiar. “You were never the best of actors, Hyukjae.”

Damn it all. Hyukjae grimaced, slipping his phone into his pocket. “Fine. How’d you know I still kept the same number?”

“You never change your number. You’re way too cheap for that.”

Again, he scowled. “What business do you have around here?”

“Can’t a man get his burger with all the fixings without being accused of planning something…ah… _wicked_?” the other grinned.

“You’re outside my office,” Hyukjae ground out, fists tightly clenched to his side.

“So it would seem,” Donghae laughed airily. “What do you know? Another coincidence.”

Hyukjae opened his mouth to protest but stopped. The smell of cooked meat wafted over making his mouth water. Priorities, he thought, inhaling deeply.

_Yum. Meat._

“You shouldn’t do that in public.”

He refused to be goaded, keeping his eyes closed. The vendor handed over their orders, waved them goodbye cheerfully as he moved on to another customer’s orders. Hyukjae was about to cross the street when he felt a hand on his arm.

“What?”

“Do you mind if I walk with you?” Donghae asked, fingers still grasping his forearm.

Of course, I do. “What do you want?”

The other man sighed exaggeratedly. “Now, see, I can’t even have a leisurely walk with an old friend?”

Hyukjae continued walking. There wasn’t a good enough reason no matter how Donghae said it. The hand slid away from his arm, but Donghae was walking beside him the next moment and looking unperturbed. They continued in silence for a few blocks until he couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m asking you one more time what’re you doing here,” Hyukjae bit out, stopping in his tracks.

Donghae shrugged. “I told you already. I was getting a burger.”

 _Patience, Hyukjae._ “And I’m telling you I don’t believe you one bit.”

To his chagrin, the other chuckled. “Well too bad. So, what have you been up to lately?”

That was it. No more being patient. He spun to face Donghae squarely, his jaw set. He could no longer contain the irritation bubbling up inside him. There was an unsettling dose of uneasiness brewing on the surface making him fidgety.

“You.”

Donghae merely raised an eyebrow at him, seeming to enjoy himself. “Me?”

Hyukjae jabbed him in the chest hard. “You think you can just waltz right here out of nowhere and talk to me? Who the hell do you think you are? You came here after making another spectacular act of disappearing from our lives and stand there asking what I’ve been up to just like that? You must have some guts.”

“Is that what it was?” the other man scoffed. “I was under the impression that you wanted me gone the last time we were … ah… _intimate_.”

The onslaught of images that statement brought made Hyukjae blanch. “I thought you wanted to pretend it never happened.”

“So did you,” Donghae pointed out.

“You like to disappear. A lot,” he settled for saying instead.

“I suppose it’s a talent of mine.” A thoughtful pause. “I saw Junsu. I wonder –“

_Screw it._

He aimed a punch at Donghae’s smug face.

\---

“I punched Donghae.”

Junsu blinked. He froze, hand resting on the door knob. His best friend clearly wasn’t sure how to react. “Okay.”

They stepped into the apartment and sat in the living room. Junsu’s eyebrows had crept higher into his hairline if it were possible. Hyukjae pursed his lips, unsure of what to say.

“I punched Donghae.”

“So you’ve told me,” Junsu said drily. “Is there more to this story or do I need to start using up my three guesses?”

He scowled. “I saw him loitering outside my office.”

This time the other did look surprised. “What was he doing there?”

“Getting a burger,” he grimaced.

“You don’t believe a word of that, do you?”

He shrugged. “What is there to believe or not believe? I just didn’t like seeing him there. After that accidental run-in at the café, I was sure I’d never see him again.” Hyukjae even made a point not to get his breakfast there at the same place anymore. “He still keeps my number.”

“Oh.”

His eyes narrowed at his best friend’s noncommittal attitude. “I was hoping for something more conversational.”

It was Junsu’s turn to purse his lips. Folding his arms, he finally said, “I didn’t know getting a burger even if it was outside your office and keeping your number both warranted a punch in the face.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Hyukjae groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. “I didn’t punch him because of that.”

“Then what?”

“He said he saw you.”

He saw Junsu pause at that. “Oh. And?”

“He was thinking of seeing you, I think, but I didn’t let him finish.”

The other man shook his head. “I bet you didn’t. What’d you do after that?”

“I ran.”

“All the way to my apartment?” Junsu said incredulously.

“Yes?”

“There are fifteen train stops from your office to my apartment.”

“I was very motivated.”

“I bet.” Junsu grunted. “Is there any point to this conversation at all?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

They stared at each other in silence until they both sighed in unison. Hyukjae knew what he did was extreme but his body had a brain of its own. All the bitterness and worry boiled over, and the urge to sock Donghae hard had overwhelmed logic.

In truth, he didn’t even know if he was really angry with the man any longer. Seeing Donghae again came as a big shock to him, he couldn’t deny that. He just didn’t expect the man to bring up that one morning when he walked out of Hyukjae’s apartment never to be seen or heard from for a long while.

“You should talk to Donghae.”

Hyukjae looked up abruptly. “Sorry?”

Junsu sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. Suddenly his best friend looked tired. “You heard me.”

It was his turn to sigh heavily. Getting up, he headed for the door wordlessly. He looked over his shoulder at his best friend who was watching him pensively. Was there a point to any of this, he thought. Junsu was happy with Yoochun, irrevocably so.

Maybe it was he, Hyukjae who needed to sort out his life badly. He stepped through the door and paused once more to look at Junsu.

“I’ll think about it.”

\---

Hyukjae sat on the bench overlooking the park near his apartment. His stomach growled. He realised belatedly he dropped his burgers while running away from the assaulted Donghae. He ignored it.

Why was it so hard for him to admit the truth to Junsu?

The man was his best friend after all. Though he could guess why the hesitance. If anything, he didn’t want the other to figure out there was something more beneath the resentment he felt for their old friend.

They had known each other since middle school – coincidentally placed in the same class and just happened to be sporting identical hairstyles. At the time, Junsu was mourning the fact his twin brother wouldn’t be in the same class as he.

Somehow the two of them gravitated towards one another naturally and settled into an easy friendship. Throughout the years despite being placed in different classes, they never failed to hang out together. The same pattern carried into college until Junsu introduced him to Donghae, a boy he met in his football club.

Not that they didn’t get along despite the new addition, they did.

In fact, they did almost everything together as three from then on. Donghae reminded Hyukjae of a playful puppy, affectionate and loyal with a hint of mischief lurking somewhere within. He was attentive, of both him and Junsu. There wasn’t even a hint that he and Junsu were interested in each other _that_ way. That was what threw him off.

By any standard, Donghae was very likable. The seniors doted on him and, their peers thought he was easy-going and sweet while the juniors looked up to him. Hyukjae was by no means immune to that charm either. It didn’t take long for him to fall for their new friend.

No grand gesture.

He didn’t take one look at him and decided he wanted to stick his tongue down his throat. No.

One moment the other was simply a good friend, then the next he made Hyukjae’s heart hurt the right way. He wasn’t an expert by a long shot but he was pretty sure one wasn’t supposed to blush at a simple touch of a mere friend. Neither was it right for his heart to have any business of beating like a marathon runner’s.

A memory rose to the forefront of his mind.

“Hyukkie~”

He quickly rubbed the remaining tears from his eyes and cheeks. His nose was probably red and eyes swollen, but that’s the best he could do. He could probably get away with pollens in the air. A body flopped down beside him, arm slinging around his shoulders in a familiar manner.

“Where’ve you been?”

Instead of answering, he sniffled surreptitiously. “Shouldn’t you be with Junsu?”

He cringed inwardly. There was no way he could quite keep the thickness out of his voice. If the other noticed, he didn’t let on. For that, Hyukjae was thankful.

“Nah.” Donghae gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “He has to see the basketball vice-captain.”

Startled, he looked up. “Why? He doesn’t even like basketball.”

All he got was a shrug. “Beats me.” A nudge on his ribs. “Stop stalling. Where were you? We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Just busy,” he muttered his surprise evaporating.

“Sure,” Donghae chuckled. “I believe you.”

“Won’t Junsu mind?” he heard himself say after a long silence. He was impossibly aware of Donghae’s presence next to him that he needed to say something to take the focus off of it.

Donghae gave a careless shrug. “You’re still our friend you know. It changes nothing.”

He bit the inside of his cheek. _No, this changes everything._ “Okay. If you’re sure.”

The younger boy smiled at him. The same one he had seen the other give just a while ago as he and Junsu conversed between themselves. _That smile isn’t mine_ , he thought.

He wasn’t being fair to his friends but the heart could be a fickle thing. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Do you have anywhere in mind?” he asked into the silence.

“I was thinking of woo-ing you for an afternoon of nothing but all-you-can-eat festival munchies,” Donghae grinned. “Romantic huh?”

Hyukjae smiled despite himself. The other really was adorably handsome when he smiled like that. “You need to work on your romancing skills, Mr. Darcy.”

But he was already standing up.

Donghae protested half-heartedly beside him all the way to the festival ground. It wasn’t exactly a festival to commemorate anything special. These festivals were just an excuse for the colleges and universities around the town square to mingle – kind of like their own version of the socials.

Mood lifting at the sight of so many foods, Hyukjae felt the tension leave his body. Donghae stopped beside him, letting out a murmur of appreciation. They definitely were going all out this time.

“So, does my woo-ing skill get an average pass at least?” he smirked, bumping shoulders with Hyukjae.

Pretending to think about it for a moment, he gave the other a thoughtful look. “Hmm…we’ll see how it goes. After all, there are so many menus waiting to be inspected.”

“I saw your eyes twinkling, loser,” Donghae grumbled without heat. “After all the trouble I went through, this is the thanks I get.”

Though pretending to sulk, the younger held out his hand for Hyukjae. For a moment, he hesitated, but this was Donghae. They had known each other a while now and there was definitely no subtext to the gesture – just a friendship that was sealed a little while back.

Smiling, he took the held out hand and let Donghae tug him around the festival grounds – going from one stall to the other until they were almost bursting at the seams. When they were finally done, Junsu came by having called earlier to ask their whereabouts.

His best friend merely clicked his tongue at the sight of them lolling around deliriously on top of the stone benches that lined the park next to the town square. Hands on his hips, Junsu jokingly admonished them for being unspeakable gluttons. The three of them then walked back to their dorms like they usually did from the moment two became three.

For a moment everything felt just like it was at the beginning of their friendship. But as soon as Junsu and Donghae said their goodbyes to him, Hyukjae felt his stomach churn unpleasantly. All the food he had eaten was ready to make itself known again.

Shaking his head, he dispelled the memories of long ago. He glanced up at the sky. It had gotten dark while he was sitting there lost in thought. He sighed. The day went south quickly before he even realised it.

“Here’s to hoping he’s had enough of me,” he muttered darkly.

A punch in the face might just snap some common sense and humility into the younger man.

\---

Hyukjae knew immediately something bad was going to happen as soon as his supervisor walked out of the elevator onto their floor with a pinched look on his face. The man himself wasn’t a bad person per se but he didn’t quite mingle with the workers well.

Even worse than he was.

Now, said man was standing in front of Hyukjae’s desk and frowning heavily. “Lee Hyukjae, I need you to come with me to my office.”

He simply stared up at the man, hesitant. “Sir?”

“I need to see you in my office. There’s an important matter I need to discuss with you,” his supervisor repeated monotonously. He saw Hyukjae hesitate. “Now.”

Trying to shake away the bad feeling in his chest, he followed. Henry shot him a worried look as he passed the younger’s desk. Just three years younger, he was one of the few people Hyukjae liked in the office. With a sunny disposition and kind mannerisms, Henry was the ultimate sweetheart.

Hyukjae felt dread cast a shadow over him as soon as he stepped into the glass office. His supervisor took his seat behind the mahogany desk and motioned for him to take a seat. He immediately complied. This was definitely going to be bad.

“I was down in the Security Room earlier with the boss,” the other started. “The security camera on the side of the building caught your confrontation with your friend on tape. The boss wasn’t happy.”

Like I was happy, Hyukjae grimaced inwardly. “Oh.”

Sighing, the older man rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Normally, I would overlook the matter but he insisted this is something I should address before a repeat happens in the future.”

The feeling of dread settled and sank deeper. He knew what was happening. For the first time since he started working here, he was going to get the boot. “Sir?”

“Truth is if it was just my call, I won’t hold you for what you did. You had every right to react however way you like,” the man scowled a little, tapping the end of his pen against the spotless table. “I, myself, definitely would. But it’s not my call to make.”

The older man handed him a notice of absence. His heart sank even further. His fingers felt like lead when he touched the envelope.

“Despite my better judgment, I have to adhere to his ruling, even though it pains me.”

The last part was muttered almost soundlessly if Hyukjae hadn’t been paying attention he would’ve missed it. Instead, he just nodded. He fought the bubbling conflicting feelings inside him that begged to be known.

“Would that be all, sir?” he managed to ask.

A brief nod was all he got from the muttering superior before him. Sighing, Hyukjae made a beeline for the door. There was no point staying for the day – might as well start planning for the week of involuntary vacation.

“Hyukjae?”

He froze, turning robotically to face the man once more.

“Yes, sir?”

“Just between you and me, I think he’s quite an asshole too. Both of them.”

With that said, Hyukjae gaped at his supervisor as if he had grown an extra head. Then, he broke into a grin despite himself. Shrugging, the older man gave a dismissive wave of his hand and signalling the end of their conversation. Hyukjae felt his mood lift a little.

At least somebody shared his sentiment.

\---

_“Are you stalking me?”_

Donghae simply grinned at his irritated question. As if he knew it would annoy Hyukjae even more, he shrugged carelessly. “I believe you owe me for punching me the last time we met.”

Scoffing, Hyukjae gave him a disinterested once-over and proceeded to walk past him without another word. Of course, the other had to follow him. It was clear his behaviour meant dismissal but Donghae was never one to take the hint.

“Can’t you leave me alone?” he ground out. “I really don’t have time for you.”

“I believe you do,” Donghae replied, matching his stride easily. “C’mon, Hyukjae. I’ll treat you to dinner.”

“I nearly lost my job because of you.”

“ _Nearly._ But you didn’t.”

“I’m on a one-week suspension, still feels like shit. No thanks to you.”

“I didn’t ask you to ram your fist into my face.”

“You’re such a prick, you know that.”

“We’ve already established that I’m very much male. I mean, you’ve a personal experience after all,” Donghae added cheekily.

His face burned at the implication. “For someone who wanted to pretend it never happened, you sure like to bring it up every chance you’ve got,” he muttered under his breath.

“What’s that?”

Hyukjae glared at the irritating human beside him. “You’re not going to leave me alone until I say yes, are you?”

“Glad you’re finally seeing it my way.” An ear splitting smile appeared on Donghae’s face, it was almost blinding.

He held out his hand. Hyukjae simply stared at it like it’s venomous. The other chuckled. “Would you like the honour of keeping me company for the evening do, my dear?”

Annoyed, Hyukjae slapped the hand away. “Just take me wherever the hell you plan to so I can get this over and done with.”

Instead of getting angry, the other merely grabbed his hand firmly in his and escorted the irate man towards the parked car by the road. If Hyukjae was in the mood to be impressed, he would’ve but he wasn’t. He quickly settled inside the car as soon as Donghae opened the passenger door for him.

The skin to skin contact was too much. His hand felt tingly. Just what the hell was he thinking getting into the confines of Donghae’s car right after the guy got him suspended? He needed serious time to reflect on his actions. This was getting ridiculous.

\---

They ended up in a cosy corner restaurant somewhere downtown. The limited space meant they’d been granted privacy even if Hyukjae very much didn’t want it. He vaguely grunted his order from something he briefly spied on the menu.

He looked up just in time to see the waitress bat her eyes at Donghae. The other didn’t even blink and handed over their menu. She left, obviously disappointed. Hyukjae glared at Donghae. He couldn’t help himself.

“What?”

“I see the charm still works on anything with two legs,” he said flippantly. He didn’t mean to sound like a jealous girlfriend, but hell, he had enough annoyance to last him a century inside him right now. “Not that you care to notice.”

The younger man merely shrugged. “I’m not here to pick up people. I’m here to have a meal with you, in case you’ve forgotten.” A sudden grin broke across his face. “Is my Hyukkie jealous?”

Hyukjae let out a disgruntled huff. There definitely was something wrong with him. He seemed to be communicating like a caveman, regressing to huffs, grunts and growls when Donghae’s around. He heard the other chuckle.

“Do you enjoy aggravating me so much?” he asked.

The waitress chose that moment to appear with their orders. Donghae waited a beat before answering. “Trust me it isn’t my intention. I’ve just merely forgotten how expressive you can be.”

“Bullcrap,” he muttered.

To his disbelief, Donghae simply grinned at him. He looked impossibly boyish and young, it almost hurt. “Eat your food, Hyukkie before it gets cold.”

They sat through dinner in a companionable albeit tensed silence. Hyukjae chewed his food with unnecessary precision, dreading the moment that Donghae would think he needed them to exchange friendly words while eating. He couldn’t help but sigh in relief when they finally stepped out of the restaurant.

Donghae stopped abruptly. Hyukjae nearly walked into him.

“Oi.” He stepped away, irritated. Donghae had a thoughtful look on his face. “Are you insane?”

The younger man turned towards him. “Up for a little coffee?”

Hyukjae snorted. “The deal was dinner. I’m pretty sure coffee wasn’t part of it.”

“Well, now I’m extending the deal,” Donghae grinned, unrepentant. “I suspect you have some things to talk to me about.”

That was the understatement of the century. Hyukjae stared at him, lips thinning at the thought of being stuck with Donghae longer. However, Junsu’s words echoed in his head.

“Fine. Only for a bit.”

This time Hyukjae bullied Donghae into choosing an outside café. He needed room to breathe and he wasn’t going to let the other know that. While waiting for their drinks, he managed to steal furtive glances at Donghae. He looked not too different from the last time he saw him.

But there was definitely a hint of maturity on the lines in his face, now that he was paying proper attention. Donghae still had the same boyish, good looks he remembered from long ago though. His heart hurt. He really needed to do this.

“So…”

The other glanced up from his coffee. “Yes?”

He took a deep breath. “Donghae, what really happened between you and Junsu back then?”

A pause.

The man opposite him merely shot him a sceptical look. “I thought you already knew.”

He narrowed his eyes in return, clenching the scathing words he so badly wanted to say. “Trust me. I do, but I’m asking you to humour me.”

Donghae simply stared at him, his expression now impassive. His hand was absently stirring the cup of coffee in front of him. Hyukjae didn’t think it was such a hard question especially since it directly involved Donghae and Junsu – regardless if it was a matter of the past or not. So, he waited.

“Why do you want to know now? You’ve spent the years convinced that you’ve known the unfiltered truth,” was the belated answer. There was slight bitterness in his tone but it was gone before Hyukjae could put a finger to it. “To be quite honest, Hyukjae, I don’t think you have the right to be humoured by me at all. I mean, last we saw each other you punched me in the face and took off without an explanation. If you’re still pissed at me for Junsu, that’s your own fault.”

He was growing agitated by the second. “Look, Donghae, I didn’t come here to be lectured, especially by the likes of you. I came because I needed answers. Junsu told me to talk to you and I’m really trying to do just that. But I can’t do that if you won’t give me a straight answer. And just so you know, you deserved that punch as much as you don’t deserve to even say Junsu’s name.”

To his disbelief, Donghae laughed at him. _The bastard._ “That’s some pretty words you’re saying, Hyukjae. I’m impressed.”

That’s it, he thought.

Slamming his empty cup on the table, he stood up abruptly. “Thanks for the treat. I’m going home.”

He strode away from the café without looking back. Footsteps followed him. He refused to turn. He knew it was Donghae behind him and getting closer. That bastard, how could he be so inconsiderate? There he was trying to make conversation and he had the gall to laugh at him.

“You’ve been hung up on a moron with the emotional range of a gnat, Lee Hyukjae,” he muttered spitefully.

The footsteps kept on getting closer until he felt hot breath down his neck. Startled, he whirled around. He came face to face with a smirking Donghae.

“You can be mad all you want, you’re still wrong,” was the opening statement. He took measured steps backwards to give himself space. “And you’re still not right.”

They were standing at the corner of a shop building. The shadow casted by the streetlights over the area was enough to give them privacy. Hyukjae didn’t think he needed that ambience right this moment. He needed to get the hell away from Donghae.

“Out of words, princess?” Donghae taunted, eyes challenging.

Hyukjae didn’t know what came over him. It was as if all the anger, frustration and guilt melded together into one big volatile ball of emotions after all those years of hiding his true feelings. They must’ve been waiting for this moment to implode and Donghae’s irritating face was just so close to his.

Those irritatingly thin lips that always curled into a smug, teasing smile every time his attention was directed at him just made him angrier. Yanking Donghae by the front of his shirt, Hyukjae pressed their lips together. The younger man’s eyes widened, startled.

Yes, more. His body sang at the contact.

Being with Donghae was like an equivalent of being drunk out of his wits. It was as if he was losing control of all his faculties. He inhaled the taste that was uniquely Donghae, savouring this moment of insanity which he knew he’d come to regret much later.

But a man had his limits. He was slowly getting lost in the sensation. Donghae didn’t seem to be protesting at all. I should’ve done this sooner, he thought carelessly.

That was when a fist connected with his cheek.

Hard.

\---

“I kissed Donghae.”

But what left his mouth was thankfully, “Donghae punched me.”

Junsu shot him a long suffering look. “Why can’t you come visit me like normal people?”

“Some people might see that as foreplay though,” Yoochun commented casually.

Hyukjae glared at the man. Junsu chuckled. _The traitor._ “I like him less now.”

That caused Junsu to double over in mirth, Yoochun patting him on the back as if the pair had just heard the joke of the century. Hyukjae pursed his lips at the couple. The ache on his cheek where Donghae’s fist landed throbbed harder this time.

He winced, kneading the bump with his knuckles. “Are you both quite done?”

Junsu propped himself up, leaning heavily against his lover. Unamused, Hyukjae waited till his best friend had finished wiping the tears off of his face – the cheek of him. Finally, the younger man stepped away and motioned for him to take a seat at their favourite self-proclaimed lazy spot inside the apartment.

“I got a one-week suspension from work,” he blurted out as soon as they sat down.

He felt the other freeze. “Chunnie, can you get us something to drink?” Junsu turned back to look at him, his eyes serious. “What? Does this have something to do with you punching Donghae near your office?”

“Unfortunately,” he groaned, lying down on the huge, soft bean bag with his arms over his eyes. “Apparently they caught it all on camera. Our boss wasn’t too pleased that I was _assaulting_ a member of the public when we’re supposed to be the exemplary models of the people’s people.”

That earned a snort from his best friend. “That’s bullshit. Though I did say you shouldn’t have punched Donghae, but to suspend you? That’s too much. It was after office hours and technically, your altercation was between two civilians. Also, it’s not exactly right outside your office.”

Hyukjae grimaced. “I still had my work ID on.”

“Your boss is an asshole,” Junsu concluded loyally, taking the chilled cans of soda Yoochun had placed in front of them and handing one over. The latter made himself scarce, disappearing into his work room. “I still don’t think it’s fair even if you had your ID on.”

“Yeah, well, my supervisor thinks so too,” Hyukjae pointed out.

“Why isn’t he doing anything about this?”

“He was just following hierarchy. I had a feeling he didn’t want to talk to our boss longer than necessary,” he sighed heavily.

Junsu mimicked his sigh dejectedly. “He probably didn’t want people to think that he’s giving you special treatment just because you’re friends with Yunho hyung too. I don’t get it. He used to be close with your boss, was he not? What happened?”

Hyukjae shrugged. “No idea. Yunho hyung never did get into details. If he hasn’t told you or Yoochun, then there’s no way of me knowing more. I don’t think Jaejoong hyung does either.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to believe they’re cousins you know.”

“Well, stranger things have happened.”

They fell silent for a while, taking a long swig of their soda.

“So, why did Donghae punch you?” Junsu asked, squinting over his can.

“I asked him why he left you. It got heated.”

“I’ll say,” the other snorted, placing the empty can back on the table. “What is it with you two and punching each other in the face?”

“Hey, it’s not my fault that he’s an insufferable bastard. You of all people should know,” Hyukjae added as an afterthought.

Instead of agreeing to the pointed statement, Junsu merely sighed. He had a melancholy look on his face. When his eyes focused back on Hyukjae, they were determined. “What is it that you were so mad about Hyukkie? Tell me. Was it really what Donghae did or was it yourself? We’ve been friends since we’re in sixth grade. I may refuse to voice out certain things, but I do notice everything about you.”

“Why’re you asking me that?”

“I’m just trying to figure out what you’re so upset about. It happened long ago, and the only one who seems unable to move past it is you. Help me out here, Hyukkie.”

“And I can’t understand why you’re being all cavalier, wanting me to have a talk with him. So _you help me out here_ too, Junsu.” He hadn’t meant for his words to sound so confrontational but the stress building up within him was aggressively pushing against his skin.

Junsu stiffened, noticing his tone. He almost regretted letting his head work later than it should. “There isn’t a need to be so hostile. I’m only trying to make amends.”

“I’ve met him recently. I think that’s a waste of time and effort. He was no ringing endorsement, still utterly convinced of his self-importance and innocence,” he said tersely. “It seems to me he loves playing the not-in-the- know victim which he hardly was.”

“Have you actually taken the time to speak with him properly?”

“Of course I have. I’ve told you I met him like you asked.”

“And you managed to not only punch him in the face but he too returned the favour. Not exactly talking things out, is it?” Junsu pointed out. It was hard not to notice the irritated tone. That didn’t bode well with him seeing as he couldn’t understand what his friend was irritated about.

“Unlike you I have no desire to reminisce about the past. It didn’t exactly end in sunshine and rainbows.”

“Life rarely does.”

That knowing, off-hand way Junsu said it seemed to rub Hyukjae the wrong way. “What, you’re Mister Fucking Philosophy now?” he asked scornfully, the words leaving him before he could stop them. “What’s next? Planning cosy little sleepovers with your useless excuse of an ex-boyfriend and swapping holi-“

Junsu slammed the palms of his hands onto the table hard. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Lee Hyukjae? Should I ask what the hell your problem is with Donghae that you can’t even get over something that happened almost a decade ago? It wasn’t even you who got your heart broken in the first place.”

“I’m just being a loyal friend. I’m furious on your behalf.”

“It was a decade ago. I’m not a fragile China doll any more than I was those years before.”

“I’m sorry for fucking caring then.”

His best friend threw his arms up, absolutely fuming now. “It’s not that I didn’t appreciate your care, but this has gone on for too long. Are you sure that’s all there was to it? I have the feeling there’s something more you haven’t told me.”

“What, you’re trying to analyse me now?” Hyukjae laughed, it sounded raw and a teeny bit maniacal. “Save it. All I’ve heard since I told you I met Donghae, is you want me to be best friends with him. Funny. You weren’t that keen the last time he left you alone.”

“Probably because you don’t even know half of the story. You might hear it if you stopped and listen over the sound of your own self-righteous pity.”

A stricken look crossed Junsu’s face as soon as those words left his mouth. Hyukjae felt as if he had been struck. The words cut deep. Standing up now too, he stared his best friend square in the face. “You want to know what my problem is, right?” He took a deep breath. “Donghae’s your ex-boyfriend and I wish he isn’t.”

Stunned silence met his confession. “Surprised?” he pressed on, voice soft and his nails biting into his palms. “You had no idea how much it hurt me each time I saw you two together. One moment he was the nice guy you met at your football club and next thing I knew, you two were an item. Do you have any idea how much I hated you then? I felt like an absolute asshole whenever I thought of how bitter I was over it. It wasn’t your fault Donghae wanted you, not me. But boy, did I hate you.”

Junsu stared at him, expression unchanging. “That’s what got you acting like a fucking martyr this whole time? Are you serious?”

“I’m glad my feelings mean so much to you. Here I thought I was baring my soul to someone who cares,” he shot back. “It’s not like I planned on having my tongue down his throat you know, but I can assure you he enjoyed it as much as I did. You must’ve not done a good job of pleasing him if he was that starved.”

Silence reigned around them.

“Out.”

He didn’t move.

“Get out,” Junsu repeated, his voice rising. “Get the fuck out of my house.”

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” he managed to bite out.

“OUT!” the other shouted and accidentally shoving the table against his knees. He winced at the impact. The work room door swung open, Yoochun’s alarmed face followed. Junsu didn’t seem to notice. “GET THE FUCK OUT.”

Hyukjae chose to ignore Yoochun this time and walked towards the door. He stopped right outside and turned to stare mockingly at his friend.

“Yeah, that’s right. Your ex-boyfriend and I fucked. We both enjoyed it.”

He heard the door slam shut behind him, echoing loudly in the empty hallway. His heart sank, filling with dread. He had fucked up another aspect of his life.

Wonderful.

\---

Hyukjae wasn’t entirely sure but somehow his subconscious mind decided to go on a jaunt into the past. Guilt was most likely the factor.

And his past was catching up to him in a very cruel fashion.

This timed he dreamed of Junsu. It was like a memory bank had been tampered with and all the contents were leaking out at dangerous frequency. If he were awake, he was pretty sure he’d be reeling.

“Hyukkie!” he heard someone call from behind him. He felt himself turn. Junsu was hurtling down the tiny hill towards him. “Hey! I was just coming over to see you. Your mum said you’d just head out.” He paused to catch his breath. “Where to?”

Raising an eyebrow, he shrugged. “Just around I guess.”

It was better than moping around the house. He needed to clear his head, but he didn’t count on Junsu dropping by. Neither could he tell his best friend that he wanted to be alone because of him.

“Mind if I join you?” the other asked unexpectedly.

He stopped to stare. “Where’s Donghae?”

“He’s out with Yunho hyung and Changmin,” Junsu said matter-of-factly.

“For two people who just got together you guys sure are free,” Hyukjae commented evenly.

Junsu merely laughed, slinging an arm around Hyukjae’s neck. “Still, it doesn’t mean we have to be around each other all the time. We do have friends you know.” He poked Hyukjae with his free hand. “And that includes you, mister. It’s not like I’ve been so busy I can’t spare some time for my best friend anymore. Now what kind of friend do you think I am?”

Hyukjae felt a stab of guilt. He was the one doing the avoiding. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t do it. Every time he saw Donghae and Junsu together, the nauseating feeling in his stomach rose until it almost made him gag. He knew he was being unfair, he had repeated that to himself over and over like a mantra.

They had done nothing wrong. It’s not like Donghae was his boyfriend, and more to the point, he himself had never admitted that he liked the younger boy. Let alone confessed his feelings, and when someone beat him to the punch, he was wallowing in a pool of self-pity and resentment.

“Sorry.”

“Is that all you can say to me?” Junsu huffed. “Well, whatever. You can make it up to me now. Just the two of us. We can do what we usually do.”

“Just us?” Hyukjae echoed. “Like old times?”

“Like old times,” Junsu agreed.

They came home late that day. Hyukjae’s mother wasn’t pleased with the lack of phone call and return text. They flashed their best choir boy smiles and got a mollified maternal shake of the head. It was promptly followed by a late dinner-supper in Hyukjae’s room while watching their favourite TV shows. Junsu stayed over that night, an impromptu sleepover that had Hyukjae’s mother sighing at them.

Morning came. Junsu received a call from Donghae, saying he’s picking him up. Hyukjae felt the sinking feeling in his stomach again. He watched pensively as his best friend spoke to Donghae on the phone. He showed up while they were eating breakfast.

He heard his mother talking to Donghae by the doorway, followed by the front door closing. His father nodded at the younger boy as he joined them for breakfast. His breakfast might as well be made out of cardboard. It was hard to concentrate on anything when Junsu and Donghae were laughing at whatever his father was saying.

Relief washed over him when the two boys stood up to take their leave. To take away suspicion from his less than chatty self, he walked out to the front door. Junsu called out a boisterous goodbye as he urged Donghae to do the same. Hyukjae looked up and his eyes clashed with the latter.

Those eyes held concern. He sucked in a breath, thinking he had been exposed no matter how hard he tried not to let on. _Please don’t say anything. Just go, quickly. Please. I can’t do this anymore._

“I’ll see you guys next time.” His voice cracked in the end, as if his mouth was full of cotton wools.

Donghae hesitated in the driveway, his gaze worried. Swallowing the bitterness, Hyukjae managed a strained smile and swung the door shut before the other could say something to him. He leaned against the door trying to calm his breathing. His mother appeared in the hallway.

It took one look from his mother and he was crying in his mother’s arms. Perhaps it was maternal instinct but his mother didn’t say a word to him. Instead, she held him like he was a little boy again. His father and sister tactfully remained in the kitchen. Although it was clear his bawling could be heard even by his neighbours.

That day Hyukjae concluded feelings sucked.  
···

Halfway through the week of his involuntary vacation – he refused to call it suspension by any means necessary – Hyukjae trudged listlessly around the central mall looking for things to do. He had been receiving unbelievably beautiful bouquets of flowers at his apartment for the past few days. They were from Donghae and he knew it, but that only served to irritate him more.

On top of that, he was still reeling from the implications of Junsu’s words.

That was three days ago.

Grumbling, he glimpsed a huge sign swaying slowly overhead. Sale. Perfect, he thought. This was what he needed to take his mind off of things. He could spend money on real nice clothes then maybe bunk off at his family home, whiling the remaining days away until he had to get back to work.

It didn’t take long for him to be completely immersed in his task. He was trying to decide on which coloured jeans he preferred more when someone called out to him. His instincts rebelled to just pretend he hadn’t heard but he knew that voice.

If he even attempted anything like that, Mt. Vesuvius had nothing on the man.

“Jaejoong hyung,” he pasted a smile onto his face. He could almost feel his facial muscles creaking.

The older man came to a halt before him, expression flat. “Simmer down before you hurt yourself.”

Sighing, Hyukjae let himself relax a little. “Sorry. A lot has been happening.”

“I’ll say,” Jaejoong eyed him sardonically. “You too busy to be my partner in crime?”

Surprised, he stared. “What?”

“What? Do the happenings include your hearing being impaired?” Jaejoong asked. “Are you coming or not?”

He could only nod dumbly. That was how he found himself occupied for the rest of the day, going through the mall as if the apocalypse was imminent and today was their last day. He had bought more clothes than he needed, gone on a full spa treatment – nails included – and ate enough food to feed the entirety of Russia. Jaejoong didn’t seem to want to stop.

It was almost dinner time when they finally slowed down and the older man was ushering him into a rustic-looking restaurant. Jaejoong gave an appreciative hum at the menu the waiter had placed before them. He had to agree, he too was impressed.

Interesting as today was, there was something niggling at the back of his mind. He looked up to find Jaejoong watching him carefully.

“Okay, let’s hear it.” He waved his hand in welcome.

Jaejoong shot him a mystified look. “Hear what?”

“Aren’t you here to lecture me?” he asked, dreading it already.

Instead of admitting, the older laughed. “That’s not any of my business, Hyukjae. I’m here as a friend and I’m here to take your mind off of things by being that friend.”

Relieved, he leaned back in his seat. “Junsu told you?”

“No,” Jaejoong shook his head. “Yoochun called. Yunho told me about the job.”

“Sorry,” he apologised. “It just feels like I can’t do anything right anymore.”

Jaejoong sighed. “Hyukjae, we all make mistakes we’re not proud of. There is no point to keep regretting what has already happened, you can’t change that fact. But you can make things right with the choices you make afterwards.”

He groaned, folding his arms on top of the table. “I know, but I just don’t know where and how to start. What if I make things worse? The things I’ve kept secret from Junsu and when I finally told him all came to blows.”

“You guys have crappy timing,” Jaejoong grimaced. “You two have been friends for almost twenty years, I’m sure you can muster enough common sense in you that Junsu was not the only one in the wrong, but you as well.” The older nodded at the waiter who brought their drinks. “Sometimes we all need to compromise, perhaps even in need of a nudging or two.”

The last was said in an almost melancholic manner. Hyukjae sipped on his drink silently for a while. “I bet you didn’t have that kind of problem.”

A startled laugh escaped the older man. “Oh, if only, Hyukjae. If only.” Jaejoong stirred his drink absently. “Yunho and I, we were friends since the first year of high school. We didn’t start off as friends though, we fought a lot. We’d get into these screaming fights and nobody but another adult could make us stop. One day, Yunho’s friends made a bet for him to embarrass me.”

Hyukjae hadn’t heard this one before. For all the times he had known the older man, he and Yunho were pretty much joined at the hips. When they were not, they’d know absolutely where the other was – the perfect example of best friends and lovers he had ever seen. Hyukjae envied them.

“Yunho pretended to like me that way,” Jaejoong went on taking his silence as acquiescence. “And he managed to sweet talk me in the end. Next thing I know, I woke up with my clothes all gone and a Polaroid picture of me naked in bed was stuck under my phone. There was a note written at the back threatening he would make copies to show to everyone.”

There was nothing he could say but gape in shock. “But you’re with him now! I can’t believe Yunho hyung could be so cruel!”

“Oh, believe me he was,” the other chuckled. “After that I kept on waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the whispers from the people around us but it never came.”

“He didn’t go through with it?”

“He told his friends it wasn’t fun playing with someone who surrendered too easily. The thing was he never told them he took the picture and it turned out, the picture he left was the only copy he had,” Jaejoong shrugged. “He confessed it all to me.”

“Oh, wow.”

“I know. I couldn’t believe it myself either. He apologised too and then confessed that he really did like me that way,” Jaejoong mused. “I told him we should be friends first. That, he might get lucky if he waited.”

Hyukjae saw the hidden smirk playing on Jaejoong’s lips. “You already liked him too, didn’t you?”

“Why, what’s the fun in that?” the other grinned. “By the time we were officially together, we soon realised we liked going at each other’s throats probably because teenage hormones mixed with youthful pride made for bad decisions. That strange pull was expressed in a much less civilised manner. Once we talked it out, it all felt incredibly stupid.”

The food came and they ate in silence. Hyukjae tried to digest what Jaejoong had told him. Despite what he liked to believe, Jaejoong’s words hit home. Except, they were no longer teenagers and it made him feel juvenile. Being an adult by no means meant you knew everything there was to life, but having the courage to take on paths unknown. You made your decision and you worked through it.

“Hyung,” he called out just as Jaejoong was heading for the elevator much later that evening.

The older man paused, turned. “Yes?”

“Thanks for today,” Hyukjae smiled. “I’m feeling much better.”

“You’re welcome,” Jaejoong returned the smile. “And also, I think it’s time you tackle the other issue as well. Just a thought.”

With that, he disappeared into the waiting elevator, leaving Hyukjae standing alone in the lobby of the mall. He sighed. Now he just needed to figure out a way to make things right.

How the _hell_ was he going to do that again?

\---

Hyukjae woke up the next day feeling high strung as if all his nerves were stretched to breaking points. Belatedly he realised he didn’t need to get up for work. Glancing at the time on his phone, it was barely past six.

What the hell was he going to do for the rest of the week?

He had thought of visiting his family but he wasn’t in the mood to answer intrusive questions. It wouldn’t do him any good if his mother took pity on him and insisted on making him feel better. He needed to do this alone. It was his mess and he’d sort it out.

Despite the invigorating talk he had with Jaejoong, he still hadn’t made any progress on that front. Cowardice made for a lonely life, grudge and hatred made for a cold bed. He narrowed his eyes at nothing in particular, thinking how bad his life needed prompt fixing.

His eyes caught sight of his work table. The drawer was drawn back a little and something was sticking out of it. Grudgingly getting out of bed, he snatched the piece and turned it over. It was a photo of him back in college. The Polaroid now slightly yellowed on the edges but the picture was still perfectly preserved.

He was in his workout gear or as Junsu liked to point out, his dance outfit. But it wasn’t Junsu who had taken the photo. It was Donghae. Feeling his heart clench at the thought, he shoved it back into the drawer and slamming it shut.

College felt like eternity ago. His memories from then Hyukjae very much wanted to keep locked tightly away in places he rarely ventured. He shot a glance at the closed drawer again, deep in thought. An hour later he’d made up his mind.

He was going back to college.

\---

Finding a spot to leave your car in the park nearby was relatively easy, even on a weekday. It was still too early in the morning for anyone to be out and about, except for the few who elected to have morning classes or meetings. Hyukjae got out of his car and inspected the achingly familiar surroundings.

Occasionally when he was feeling maudlin, he would take a detour after leaving his office just to cut through this park. He had spent countless hours in this park when he was still a student – alone and with friends. The intrinsic pull was still there after all these years.

He walked leisurely along the carefully paved stone paths, watching. A few joggers ran past him, iPod volumes on high and water bottles in hand. The early student population had gathered amongst themselves, complaining good-naturedly at having to be roused at such an ungodly hour.

A faint smile brushed his lips.

Once, he was one of them too. Several others walked past him with eyes on their phones and calling pleasantries across the campus lawn. Hyukjae stopped to admire the flowers, blooming on the side path leading towards a faculty building.

He had secretly frequented said building during his stay here. The on-campus dormitories were just a bare ten minutes away on the other side of the park. It hadn’t taken much for him to sneak out and steal away time to be here without anyone noticing.

Continuing down the path and into the building, he found himself inside an empty hallway. Nothing could be heard apart from the light clicking of footsteps somewhere in the higher floors above. A wave of nostalgia washed over him. His feet moved on their own, knowing exactly where he wanted to be.

He came to a stop in front of a closed door. Reaching for the handle, he gave it a slight downward pull. It clicked open, the beat echoing inside the cold studio. He stood by the door, watching a group of students obviously part of the dance club moving in sync with the music.

The tension in his shoulders relaxed a fraction. He had always found music soothing and dancing was an interpretive art to go with it. Those times ago, he too, loved spending time in here albeit alone. Not many knew he danced and those who did kept his confidence.

Dancing was intimate – a private ritual he enjoyed in his own time.

Junsu knew and never once did he let on. Yunho, of course, knew being the club’s captain.

But it was Donghae who had caught him unawares. What’s even more disconcerting to him even now, he had let Donghae in. He stayed and kept Hyukjae’s secret rendezvous close to his chest. It made Hyukjae pleased that he didn’t let on.

Maybe that was perhaps when he, Hyukjae felt something else other than friendship for this new friend.

“Hyukjae?”

Startled, Hyukjae spun around to come face to face with the club’s supervisor. The man had been one when they were still in college. He looked the same except for the new laugh lines on the sides of his face and the salt and pepper hair.

“Sir.”

“It’s been a while,” the older man smiled, eyes training on the group of youngsters inside. “What’s brought you back here?”

Hyukjae returned the smile easily. “I was feeling nostalgic.”

“Is that all?”

“I needed to think,” he sighed.

An understanding nod, but he didn’t ask any further. “I used to find it odd that for all your grandstanding in the music club, you refused to officially be part of the dance club,” the supervisor said instead.

“It’s a hobby.”

“Perhaps it is, but you’re good at it. Yunho vouched for you. That boy, what is he doing these days eh?”

Glad for the change of subject, Hyukjae followed the movements of the students as a new music started. “He co-owns a law firm.”

“Is that right? It does suit his analytical mind, I must say.”

Their conversation flowed easily, an advisor and his ex-student reminiscing about old times. They fell silent a few times, just watching and listening to the dance club follow through their routine. Hyukjae had almost forgotten how calming it was to be totally immersed in music, being the centre of your own world.

“Hyukjae,” the older man said before they parted ways later. “If I may be so blunt, sometimes the answers you seek aren’t difficult. It’s just in our nature to overthink and delay the truth because it seems right for us. Most of the time, it isn’t. One thing I know, running away is never an answer.”

With a smile, the man nodded at him one more time before disappearing down the empty corridor. Hyukjae knew he was right. On the flip side, sometimes right wasn’t always the option one would be eager to take.

\---

By the end of the week, Hyukjae still hadn’t figured out how to make things right with Junsu. He attempted to call his friend but was always met with voicemail. His calls were screened. His texts were answered occasionally but it lacked the warmth. He was at wits’ end.

Deep down he knew the simplest answer would be to just pay Junsu a visit. He also knew he acted the coward for refusing to just do so. However, this wasn’t just his fault. His best friend didn’t get to be scot-free and thinking that made him feel better.

His doorbell buzzed interrupting his thoughts, followed by a succession of knocks. He snapped out of his reverie. As far as he remembered he didn’t have any plans with anyone and the mailman was already due for that week. Probably another flower delivery, he thought dejectedly. Walking over to the door, he pulled it open.

He barely resisted the urge to chuck his phone on this blight on peace. A bright smile greeted him as if all was well with the world. Enough to make him homicidal.

_To hell with everything._

“How the fuck do you even know where I live?” he snapped when the other showed no signs of speaking.

Chuckling low in his throat, Donghae leaned against the open doorway. “Well, once upon a time someone accused me of stalking him, so I’m just doing what a stalker does.”

“You do realise that wasn’t a compliment?” he retorted. “And is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“I’m just answering your question,” Donghae gave him a wide-eyed innocent look.

“Go away. I’m busy,” he dismissed, turning to shut the door.

Donghae refused to move. “With what? Your work?”

His hackles rose. “Fuck you.”

“Gladly,” the other leered, stepping into his apartment with calculated steps. “Though I’ll be the one doing the –“

“There’s no fucking way I’m letting you into my home,” Hyukjae interrupted with a growl, blocking Donghae’s path. “Get out. I’ve about had enough of you to last me a century. You’re screwing up my life left, right and centre. I’d appreciate if you take the hint and get the fuck out.”

“I am disinclined to acquiesce to that request.”

One moment he was set on slamming the door close behind him, the next he was shoved so hard against the wall of his apartment he felt his skull rattling. It knocked the wind out of him. He faintly heard the sound of a door closing and a lock clicking shut.

When his vision cleared, he was staring into a pair of very familiar eyes.

“You infantile bast-“

The rest of his words were swallowed by the mouth now pressing impatiently against his. A stubborn part of him balked at the blatant intrusion but the hungry part of him wanted more.

And it won without much of a fight.

Throwing caution to the wind, he managed to move his hands to yank the younger man closer. Their mouths melded perfectly. It brought back memories, and he didn’t care. This, this was real and now. He was going to relish it before he came back to his senses.

He fisted a hand tighter in Donghae’s hair, pulling him impossibly closer. The younger man growled low in his throat – a sound almost too primal to be human. A hand gripped the back of his throat as if warning him who was in charge.

Hyukjae bit him.

Then everything happened in a blur. There was a clash of teeth, tongues fighting for control and suddenly he was shirtless. Donghae tore his lips away from his. He was moving down and Hyukjae knew he was going to feel teeth. Not that he cared. He was far too lost in lust to care.

His body was so hungry.

Donghae was suckling on his skin, leaving marks wherever his mouth was. Hyukjae arched his back, feeling the strength in his knees almost give way. He needed more or he was going to lose it. As Donghae’s mouth slid lower, closer to where he needed to feel the most, he tugged him back up.

The snarl made his knees buckle. But Hyukjae was fascinated by those thin lips. He wanted to bite, so he did.

Over and over again.

Until Donghae pressed him further against the wall and ground their obvious need through their pants. Blood pounded in his ears, the delicious friction was almost too much for him to bear. Hyukjae was slowly getting lost in the sensation. Their movements became frantic, nearly animalistic.

The moans he was fighting hard to keep in spilled from his lips. He’d be embarrassed if he bothered to care but it felt so, so good.

Delirium.

A warm hand slid between the denim of his trousers and his boxers. His mind came to a screeching halt at the intimate touch, though the friction didn’t cease one bit. The haze covering his mind cleared enough for it to fire a warning to his senses.

With what’s left of his strength he could muster, he shoved Donghae away as hard as he could. He tried not to whimper at the loss of friction. He was panting hard. So was the other, his chest heaving. Dark pupils dilated and intense focused completely on him.

Hyukjae suddenly felt exposed without his shirt. _What was he thinking?_

“Don’t pretend you didn’t like it, Hyukjae.”

The voice, husky and leaden with an erotic promise that would be fulfilled was daring him to step forward. It was a challenge. Hyukjae hated himself. His resolve was crumbling.

Wrapping his arms around his naked torso, he whispered, “You forced me.”

“You were sucking on my mouth, Hyukjae,” was the calm response as if what had transpired between them had not affected him. “I had my tongue down your throat.”

“No.” Tears pricked the corners of his eyes. _No._ He wasn’t going to cry. He willed himself not to cry.

“Is that it?” Donghae demanded, stepping closer. “You’re just going to shove me away when you feel too much? I didn’t know you were that much of a coward.”

He had no words to refute that other than clumsily grabbing the other and shutting the door. To his credit, Donghae didn’t attempt to stop him. He didn’t need to. His words had hurt where he intended them. Balling his discarded shirt in his fist, he sat there with his back against the door.

It took him a moment to realise he was crying. And he wasn’t stopping. The waves crested and all his emotions flooded over. He hated feeling weak.

And he hated Donghae for making him feel like that.

\---

Apparently ninety-percent of the office had gone insane while he was away.

Hyukjae knew something was off the moment he stepped into the office that morning, in a considerably foul mood, only to be greeted by a disconcertingly chatty Cathy new security guy. He glowered at him, but that didn’t seem to dim his spirits. Muttering under his breath, Hyukjae made it to his floor without stabbing anybody in the eye.

Yet.

The morning was still young after all. Hyukjae felt his scowl deepen. Even the potted plants in the office seemed to have extra shine to them all. Just as his butt touched the chair, Heechul waltzed in, a million megawatt smile on his face, chirping an unusual good morning greeting to every single person on the floor.

Unfortunately, that too included Hyukjae who felt the exact opposite. Heechul simply smiled wider at his sullen face and said, “Nice shoes.” He was more than glad when the older man disappeared into his office at the end of the floor.

Muttering vehemently under his breath, he pushed his chair back a little and stuck his head around his cubicle to find Henry’s chair empty. He frowned. The younger man was always at the office before him every time. He was about to send a text when Henry appeared with two unfamiliar people on tow.

Apparently they were interns.

_Interns._

When the hell did their company start running camp for bright-eyed young hopefuls again?

He couldn’t remember. But when he snarled at the interns for the tiniest infraction that it shouldn’t even be considered an issue, Henry had to intervene. The two boys looked terrified.

By noon, almost the entirety of the floor refused to remain within breathing distance of him – if it was all possible. He had managed to snarl at every single person and his mood wasn’t getting any better. It didn’t come as a surprise when his supervisor cornered him after lunch and glowering at him, expression aggravated.

“Hyukjae, I’d appreciate it if you stop scaring the interns,” the older man groused exasperatedly. “And the junior staff members for that matter.”

He let out a long pissed off sound which might’ve been resentful agreement and stalked off in the direction of the break room. A newbie in the department jumped out of the way – his expression terrified.

“What did I do?” he asked, genuinely confused and scared.

Henry placed a sympathetic hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. He’ll get over it. Go on, get back to work.” When the boy didn’t move, he sighed. “I assure you he’s not always like that. Isn’t that right, sir?”

If he was startled at being addressed suddenly, he didn’t show it. The supervisor trained his frosty eyes on both of the younger men and gave a curt nod. “Definitely don’t get paid enough,” he muttered finally, disappearing into the nearest elevator.

“See?” Henry said cheerfully, missing the stricken look on the boy’s face.

\---

“Hyukjae.”

He froze.

This was the last person he wanted to meet, especially after all that had happened recently. Gritting his teeth, Hyukjae hastened his steps, hoping the other person would think he hadn’t heard him call his name.

He didn’t want to talk to Yoochun, not now. Junsu was barely speaking to him – each of his texts were still answered but not without the glacial frostiness of a blizzard. Fast footsteps approached him from behind. Before long, a hand landed on his shoulder.

Again, he fought the urge to throw that hand off. He really didn’t want to talk to anybody right now.

“Hyukjae, I know you heard me.” The familiar low baritone voice made guilt eat him up more. It was laced with both worry and exasperation. “You can’t avoid us forever, you know.”

“I wasn’t avoiding anybody.”

The hand slid away but Yoochun didn’t move. Hyukjae swallowed the lump in his throat and turned to face his best friend’s lover. It made guilt claw at him viciously all over again.

“Can we talk?” the other man asked after a long silence. He nudged his head in the direction of the nearest coffee shop.

He hesitated, trying to find a good reason to refuse. When he couldn’t, he shortly found himself sitting across from Yoochun and drinking coffee – as if he hadn’t a care in the world. If only that was true, then he wouldn’t be feeling like shit for the better part of the month.

Silence stretched on. Only the buzz of conversation from the few customers sticking around having a chat and the occasional whirring of the coffee machine from behind them could be heard. Yoochun watched him from the top of his cup. Hyukjae pretended to worry over some stray froth in the cup he was holding.

“I suppose one of us has to talk,” Yoochun sighed, levelling him with an almost painfully kind stare.

He swallowed. “Well you were the one who wanted to talk,” he said instead.

The other chuckled lightly. “I suppose you’re right.” Setting his almost empty cup on the table, Yoochun’s expression turned serious. “Look, I’m just going to get straight to the point. You guys need to sort out your issues fast. At first I didn’t want to meddle because I thought it’s hardly my business, but this is getting ridiculous.”

“You’re right. It’s not your business,” Hyukjae said sullenly.

“It is now, especially when Junsu is being every bit as depressing as you are to be around.” His friend’s lover sighed again. “This has been going on for too long. You both are behaving like children, it’s ridiculous. And before you go asking if I told Junsu this, I did. He wasn’t impressed in the least but I didn’t care. It had to be said. So I’m telling you the same.”

Maybe it was Yoochun’s persistence, or maybe Hyukjae had no energy left to be stubborn. “I feel like I’m fucking up everything lately. Nobody seems to want to talk to me.”

“Forgive me for being forward, Hyukjae. I know you don’t like me all that much, but I think you know why Junsu is upset with you,” Yoochun said gently.

“I didn’t like you. You’re alright as far as guys Junsu like go,” he tried to joke, though it came out flat. “I know. I didn’t mean to say all that. Sorry.”

The other man sighed again. “Feelings aren’t easy. It’s what makes it special. If they weren’t, there wouldn’t be such a thing such as richness of emotions.”

“You sound like Jaejoong hyung,” Hyukjae pointed out.

That earned him a chuckle. “Well, he did teach me a lot. He breathes empathy, it’s almost disturbingly scary.” Yoochun shook his head. “What I mean to say is I appreciate you looking out for Junsu all these times. Only Junsu thinks you’re not letting him do the same for you. “

“He said I didn’t trust him enough.”

“He’s right you know. You didn’t trust him to make his judgment of me long ago, and now you don’t trust him enough to help you with whatever your problems are.”

“But he didn’t trust me with his secret either, which by the way I’m still not sure I know.”

“True.” Yoochun agreed. “But we aren’t talking about Junsu. We’re talking about you.”

Shaking his head, Hyukjae tried to clear the haze around his mind. He needed to say it. “But how can I…?”

The other man watched him carefully. There was no judgement in his gaze. “You liked Donghae, didn’t you? And you still do.”

Hyukjae flinched as if hit – for it to be said so bluntly. It wasn’t that he thought he was particularly subtle lately, but he had hoped not many would suspect his weird mood. He knew he was handling all this poorly.

“Hyukjae, Junsu doesn’t mind,” Yoochun added into the silence.

He laughed. It sounded hysterical to his ears. “Why shouldn’t he? Even if he doesn’t, how do you think that makes me feel? How do you think that will reflect on me? Going after my best friend’s ex-boyfriend whom I declared for all and sundry to hear that we are no longer friends?”

“Have you ever talked to Junsu about what happened back then?”

There it was again. Talk. He had tried, had he not? Look how well that turned out.

“We didn’t need to. Everyone knows.”

A raised brow. “Is that so? Are you sure?”

“What are you getting at?” he asked, feeling the familiar pattern.

Yoochun did truly like Hyukjae, he said once. After all the man was his lover’s best friend and cared for him like a brother too. But all the time he had known the man, after the iciness had passed, never once did Hyukjae voice out any disagreement.

Now, the younger man looked ready to throttle him. Kindness when taken too far was nothing but trouble. Hyukjae swallowed thickly at the thought and he was the ultimate culprit.

“Look, I’m running late,” Yoochun said, standing up. “I have a meeting back at the office. Just…think about what I said.”

And that office was a long drive from where they were. Hyukjae was already feeling guilty enough for indirectly making the man come all the way here because he was a stubborn coward.

“Let me ask you one last thing,” Hyukjae said, stopping the other in his tracks. “Why doesn’t it bother you that Junsu and I are exceptionally close?”

“Because I trust him, and Junsu trusts you. You’re not a hard guy to figure out, Hyukjae. You were never one for backhandedness, you still aren’t. If anything, I’m glad Junsu has someone who cares so much for him as much as his family and me.”

“What about Donghae?”

“That’s for you to find out,” Yoochun smiled a little sadly. “I just wish Junsu would’ve told you himself a long time ago.” He paused, a rueful expression on his face this time. “And as for Donghae, that’s something only you two can resolve together.”

\---

His feet weighed a ton as he walked the rest of the way to Donghae’s apartment. Yoochun’s words hung around his head, almost pityingly at this point.

It didn’t sit well with him that he hadn’t known the whole truth about what happened when they were younger. Donghae’s apartment loomed before him. Hesitation made him halt. _No._ He needed to do this. Squaring his shoulders, he took determined steps into the building.

According to Yoochun, his apartment was right on the tenth floor. He had time to calm down while stuck inside the elevator on the way up. When he finally stood in front of the door of Donghae’s home, he felt even less calm than he was heading here.

If he didn’t do it now, they were just going to start the cycle all over again. One of them had to own up to their behaviour as of late, and Hyukjae’d be damned if he was going to quit now. He needed to sort this out. _Now._

He rang the bell.

A click sounded an eternity later and the door swung open. Donghae stopped by the doorway and levelled him with a stare. It didn’t feel friendly at all.

“Come to kiss and leave again?”

Hyukjae bit back the urge to point out it was he who left, and only because he had thrown him out but it wasn’t the time to be finicky.

From his stance, Donghae was not the littlest bit keen on seeing him standing on his doorstep. Arms folded, body leaning heavily against the doorframe. No indication of letting him in. _Great._

“Come to check on your charity case?”

Hyukjae bristled at that accusatory tone. “You know what? You have every right to be angry with me for that kiss. But it doesn’t give you the right to judge me for wanting you to leave. That’s hypocritical of you.”

“You need to be punched more often.”

Fur ruffled the wrong way even more, Hyukjae growled, “Are you trying to pick a fight with me?”

“Well, you do have an odd way of apologising.”

“Who said anything about apologising?” he retorted.

“Really, we’re back to that?” Donghae glowered. “Then I guess I’m wasting my time talking to you. Goodb-“

Alarm seized him as soon as he saw the other turn to close the door. He lunged forward, wedging the door open with his foot. “Wait. Don’t leave. Sorry. I –“

Hyukjae was suddenly engulfed in a fierce hug. Donghae sighed, “You’re a fucking idiot.”

“And you’re pissing me off with every word you say,” he snarled, but stayed in the embrace.

The arms around him loosened a little. Suddenly Donghae was peering into his face. “Look who’s talking.”

They stayed silent. The younger man let out a chuckle. Hyukjae shot him a mutinous glare. He then found himself being ushered into the living room. His eyes took in the simple décor, not quite minimalistic but definitely masculine yet bright and calming. It reflected Donghae’s personality perfectly.

Donghae took a seat opposite him. His heart stuttered. He hadn’t seen him in two weeks and they were alone in Donghae’s private space. Not exactly the turn of events he would’ve expected before.

“Well?”

He forced himself to look the other in the eyes. “I need -,” he paused, biting his lips. “ _We_ need to talk. Properly, this time and I promise I won’t hit you.” The last part was added belatedly.

“How reassuring. What about?”

“I had a fight with Junsu,” he blurted out. The words came out rushed. “About you.”

“Me?” this time Donghae sounded really surprised. “Why the hell would you do that?”

Hyukjae hesitated.

This was the bridge he was afraid to cross, one he was ready to burn before he even took a step forward. If he stopped now, there was no point of him coming all the way here. He owed Donghae at least this much. The truth. God knew they had been skating across the surface for far too long, letting old resentment stew.

“Junsu was mad at me for not giving you a chance to explain yourself. I knew he wasn’t telling me the whole truth either, so I got mad and told him… about us.” The last part was said in a rush, it was inaudible to anyone who wasn’t paying attention.

“When you say told…?”

He winced, throat dry. “I might’ve taunted him with the fact. It wasn’t my brightest moment,” he added defensively.

Across from him, Donghae rubbed a hand over his face. He looked tired. “It didn’t end well I take, since you’re here.”

“We haven’t spoken a word to each other in a week,” he admitted shamefully.

Silence followed his words, making him feel even more self-conscious by the second. Now that he had said it out loud, it left him feeling unsure. Donghae wasn’t helping either, by being a complete sphinx. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, waiting.

“Why’d you come here for, Hyukjae?” the younger man asked finally. “I know you wouldn’t have come here if it’s only because of your fight with Junsu.”

“I want to know the truth about what happened between you and Junsu,” he admitted finally. “I’m getting pretty tired of everyone telling me to talk. I realise it was just me being obstinate. So, here I am. Talk. I’m all ears.”

“Are you sure your heart can take it?”

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“A word of warning, you probably won’t like what you’re about to hear.”

“Trust me after the week I’ve had, I can’t say anything going forward will be short of my favourite,” he shrugged. He was just too tired to bother with much of anything.

Despite his words, Hyukjae braced himself for the worst. What he heard wasn’t something he’d expected. It knocked him off his stride. He had to take a moment to realise what Donghae was telling him. Not satisfied with that, he made the other man repeat, twice to make sure he hadn’t heard wrong.

“You and Junsu were never dating?!” his voice rang shrilly in the quiet apartment.

Donghae rubbed a hand over his face, a habit now it seemed. “Not in the actual sense, no.”

His mouth felt like cotton. “How could you lie to me like that? Me?!”

“Don’t take it personally. We lied to every - ,” the other stopped at his quelling look and sighed. “Look, Junsu needed my help and he’s been a good friend. He wanted help with Yoochun, so I did.”

“You helped him fake being in a relationship.”

A shrug. “Accurate, though if it was up to me, a punch in the face would’ve been a better option. Too bad Junsu likes his face too much.”

Hyukjae managed a weak chuckle. “Glad you think so too.”

Another shrug and this time, Donghae made sure to look him in the eyes. “It’s true, but – “

“But?”

“You can’t help who you fall in love with. Despite all appearances, I think Yoochun truly did like her,” the younger said ruefully. “Junsu wasn’t exactly advertising his feelings either, not even a little.”

“I didn’t like him, you know. Not for a while,” Hyukjae confessed. “Junsu was too happy and I was convinced Yoochun would disappear like you did, then he’d be left to pick up the pieces again. But, I’m glad he proved me wrong.” He paused. “And I’m glad you’re not a complete rat like I thought you were. Even though you did lie to all of us.”

“Glad you approve,” Donghae laughed softly. “In all honesty, I think we’re all afraid of getting hurt. So we spend most of our time dancing about the fact rather than commit to it.”

He had nothing to add to that. In spite of it all, they were equal parts responsible for this particular episode. Curious how telling the truth would’ve appeared to have solved their problems way earlier, he could see it now. They remained silent.

It didn’t stop him from wondering who would break it first. Oddly enough, he didn’t need to.

“My brother owns the café you get coffee from.”

Hyukjae looked up, startled. “Huh?”

Donghae’s face was suddenly in front of his. The other had stood up to take a seat next to him on the sofa. A questioning look as if in permission, Hyukjae nodded nonetheless. The sofa sank slightly under their combined weight.

“The coffee shop where you get your breakfast every day,” Donghae repeated. “My brother owns it. It’s a newer branch but he stays there a lot. He sees you often.”

Just having the other sitting next to him was enough to make his heart stutter. He thought he had excised that out of him. Moments ago he was annoyed with him, now he was back to feeling like he did those times long ago. It simply wasn’t fair. Like now, he didn’t have a word to offer.

“Has anyone ever told you that you think out loud?” Donghae asked, watching him carefully. “You need to pay more attention especially when you’re out in public. Your mind is like a sieve, it leaks.”

Frowning, Hyukjae twisted around in his seat. “Did you tell your brother to spy on me?”

“Didn’t need to,” the younger man chuckled. “He recognised you the first time you came to the café. He took it upon himself to watch over you.”

Unsure on how to feel about this new discovery, he settled for silence. They had come a long way and he wasn’t about to screw it up just because his tiny secret had been exposed for so long. Instead, he grunted noncommittally when Donghae’s hand did an inquisitive pat on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry about that, but I’m not sorry that I got to know so much about you because of it.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Hyukjae mumbled crossly.

“Lighten up, grumpy.” There was a smile in his voice.

They stayed silent for a long while, as if they were both trying to digest what had transpired in a short span of time. A movement behind had him jumping a little in his seat. He turned to find Donghae’s face an inch away from his. The other’s arm was snugly tucked on top the back of the sofa, the weight of it comfortable around his shoulders.

“Your face is very close to mine,” Hyukjae noted conversationally, even as his heart began to race.

There was every manner of wrong in this scenario. He wasn’t supposed to be casually sitting right next to Donghae contemplating closing the distance between them and finally satisfying his thoughts of if his lips tasted as good as he remembered.

This was the man who had just admitted he lied to him for the better part of their college years, ran off without telling anyone, waltzed back into his life for that single cataclysmic night together then disappeared again to parts unknown and somehow now, ended back in his life, pleading guilty to all his heinous acts but for a good cause.

 _He still did lie._ And so did Junsu for that matter.

They lied to everyone and apparently in their circle of friends, Hyukjae was the last to know. Why was it he was always the last one to know? Sure, he wasn’t surgically attached to his phone like Jaejoong was but really, how the hell had he not picked up on that?

Oh, right. He was blinded with jealousy and overcame by self-loathing over a man who wasn’t even actually his best friend’s ex. That about summed it up.

Donghae continued to watch him, their noses almost touching. The heat of his body pressing against Hyukjae’s in all manners of delicious. “Yes, my face is very close to yours. If you ask nicely, I can come closer.”

His brain and heart did an internal debate, and they settled for attempted affront. “I most certainly won’t allow such blatant invasion of my personal space.”

Lips quirking into another one of those stomach-flipping smirks, Donghae leaned an inch closer. “Your grievance has uh… been noted. Clearly I must rectify that issue right away as best I can.”

“You can’t come closer.” Hyukjae wished he believed himself. Where was that voice of reason when he needed it?

“Oh, I have.”

“I’m not pushing you away.” Lame, Hyukjae. As if he wanted to, but he had to put up a fight of some kind.

“So it would seem.”

“What’re you going to do about it?” he blurted out because he was an idiot.

“Wonder what it would get me if I kissed you.”

 _Oh my God, they were seriously not bantering with cheesy flirtatious lines._ Why wasn’t he appalled by all this?

Instead he found his mouth saying, “It’d be horribly rude of me not to return the favour.”

“Sounds promising.”

Donghae was leaning impossibly closer until he could see the lines of his irises. And Hyukjae realised he didn’t care a damn that he was moments ago still being lied to and now, all he wanted to do was get naked and dirty with Lee Donghae.

And Junsu was right. He needed help.

So did his needs. And one was easier to satisfy than the other.

\---

It was as good as the first time, if not better.

Hyukjae heard the soft rustle of clothes being removed, his included. There was something vaguely erotic about watching your lover slide off pieces of clothing to slowly reveal his tanned torso. The contrast between their skin tones made him shiver.

Each move was a sensual caress against his sensitised skin. He shivered at the feel of calloused hands running down his sides. Before he knew it, he was naked on the cool sheets and painfully aroused. He looked up to see that Donghae was naked too, his erection an evidence that he wanted this as much as Hyukjae did.

Licking his lips, Hyukjae reached out to touch it but Donghae caught his wrist. “Stay still,” the younger whispered.

He smiled in response, bringing the hand gripping his wrist closer. Donghae leaned closer too, allowing him to guide. Eyes never leaving the other, Hyukjae did an experimental lick along the fingers around his wrists. The returning gaze pierced him as he continued to trace a line over the fingers with the tip of his tongue.

The grip was close to punishing now, but he didn’t want to stop. Neither did the other seem to mind. His eyes drifted to the arousal now subtly brushing against his very own, insistent. He gulped.

“Come here,” he whispered, tugging his hand gently.

Understanding what he wanted, Donghae climbed on top of him. Their bodies lined together, their lower halves rubbing intimately served to rocket his pulse beyond boiling point. They took their time exploring each other’s bodies. There was no hurry.

Donghae seamlessly took over, the heat of his body more demanding and the movement of his calloused hands more urgent. But Hyukjae didn’t mind. His body liked that a whole lot too. He lay on the sheets as Donghae’s hands and mouth traced the length of his body – from his ears, along his jaw down his neck, sucking a trail that left the marked skin burning.

A pinch on his nipple, a hot mouth sucking on the other – Hyukjae just took it all. It had been so long since he felt this good. The maddening stroke of those talented fingers went down his stomach, close to where he needed to feel the most but deliberately avoiding where it mattered.

When Donghae took him in his mouth, he gasped. His back arched off the bed and he nearly came then and there. Eyes drifting close in ecstasy, he blindly reached for the mop of dark hair bobbing between his splayed thighs and gripped his fingers in them. He wanted more of that warm, wet mouth and curling tongue on him.

He was almost too lost in sensation when he noticed a slicked finger circling his twitching entrance. A moan slipped past his lips. The finger slipped inside him, slowly. He tensed at the burning sensation, waiting for it to fade. Donghae had let go of his cock with a faint pop, blowing air at the leaking head. He couldn’t help it.

His body shook as he cried out. Donghae merely smirked, lapping at his release – his tongue tracing the line of his cock from the base to the head and all the while not stopping his fingers from curling and searching for the spot inside of him. It didn’t take long for his arousal to return when the finger inside him pressed against the spot that made him see stars.

Donghae pressed against the spot over and over again. Hyukjae cried out, his cock bobbing dangerously against his stomach. The tension in his body a low hum beneath his skin.

“Breathe, Hyukjae,” the younger murmured.

“I’ll have you know I don’t do this for everyone,” he panted, glaring at the other. Donghae merely chuckled and continued to press harder on the spot. Even adding another finger to the first, scissoring the entrance expertly.

“I sure hope not,” the other agreed. “Or else we’re going to have a very long talk.”

There was no more talk after though.

More fingers followed and Hyukjae was a writhing mess against the sheets. He wouldn’t be able to tell up from down if asked then. His attention focused on the fingers inside of him and the hand stroking his cock in a deliberately casual manner. Each time he thought he might shoot, Donghae tightened his fingers on the base, preventing him.

He had whined, teeth grinding from the onslaught of too much pleasure but the other refused to budge.

The body atop him was suddenly gone, so did the fingers and hand inside and on him. His eyes snapped open in alarm. He found Donghae searching frantically through the bedside drawer, the muscles on his back bunching from so much control.

Donghae turned back with a plastic wrap in his hands. Hyukjae raised his eyebrows, realising belatedly what it was. Wordlessly, he willed his body to move and caught the younger’s hand. “It’s okay.”

“Huh?”

“It’s okay,” he murmured, sliding the unopened condom out of Donghae’s hand. “I need to feel you.”

“Hyukjae, it’s – “

He shook his head resolutely. “I trust you. You won’t hurt me.”

A shadow passed over Donghae’s face. “I already did.”

Smiling at the hesitance, Hyukjae cupped the other’s face in one hand. “Not like this you won’t. Please?” He could see the other was starting to buck. “And I won’t do anything to hurt you either.” Leaning closer, he whispered, “Please. It’s getting lonely without you inside me.”

He saw the moment the tension snap inside the younger man. Tossing aside the unopened plastic wrapper, Donghae pushed him into the mattress. Those dark eyes seemed overly bright and intense as their lips met in a ravenous kiss that stole his breath away. He slid one leg around the other’s hips, rocking their arousals together.

It happened in a blurred frenzy. One moment, Donghae was kissing him until his lungs hurt for air and the next, the thick head of his cock was pushing inside him slowly. Hyukjae hissed at the burn, his nails digging into Donghae’s side.

His entrance felt too tight, and he could feel Donghae’s coiled effort to not move, allowing him to adjust. Taking deep breaths, Hyukjae rocked his hips upward. The hard cock slid further inside him, pressing against the spot that turned him into a twisting mess. Then, Donghae began to move.

The increasing pleasure almost made him forget the burn. Donghae slid a hand between their bodies and pumped his cock which had flagged a little from the pain. Hyukjae moaned, watching the other’s face and the way his muscled body flex as he moved inside him. It was almost enough to send him over the edge but he didn’t want the moment to be over so soon.

Then, the head of his cock stroked the spot inside Hyukjae over and over again. This time no longer missing it, his movement sure. Hyukjae gasped, his body shaking as his pleasure rose to a crescendo. Donghae didn’t speak but continued to assault his sensitive spot over and over. Their laboured breaths mingled, sweat slicked their bodies as they continued to rut – their movements becoming more and more urgent.

His thrusts became sharp and Hyukjae locked his slender legs around the other’s muscular hips tighter in an effort to feel more. He couldn’t breathe… one hand clutching the sheets, the other trying to bring Donghae closer than humanly possible.

“Close?” he heard the younger ask from faraway.

All that fell past his lips were garbled moans and he didn’t care. He was so close… he could barely think… he needed to…

Donghae thrust sharply inside him one more time and Hyukjae coming harder than he ever had in his entire life. His body jerked from the force of his orgasm that sent shock after shock of unadulterated desire through his body.

Vision darkening and body quaking, he felt his body being driven deeper into the mattress as Donghae let out a guttural moan, his release gushing inside his still over-sensitised hole. Hyukjae felt his body jerk one last time at the foreign sensation just as he fell into blissful darkness, feeling happier than he ever did the past few weeks.

\---

This was the part that Hyukjae dreaded most.

Waking up after a particularly athletic yet emotional sex, he wasn’t entirely sure how to act. The last time it happened, he didn’t know how either and Donghae had walked out on him. He wasn’t very good at this emotion thing.

Glancing at the clock by the nightstand, not that much time had passed. He must’ve dozed off. He turned to find empty rumpled sheets next to him. The unmistakable scent he could pick out in his sleep lingered. Even the warmth wasn’t gone. It felt cosy.

He looked up at the sound of feet shuffling softly on the carpet. Donghae had on drawstring pants that were riding low on his hips. No shirt. It did wonders to Hyukjae’s libido at that visual. The other clearly knew how much he appreciated the view as he sat down atop the blanket and proceeded to ravage his mouth as if he hadn’t tasted anything better in his life.

His entire body hummed with pleasure. _Bliss._ This was what actual bliss felt like.

Wait, he wanted to ask Donghae something important. What was it again? _Oh_. It was kind of hard to think when he was pressed into the mattress _and_ he could feel the other’s body heat through the blanket between them. Was Donghae always this toasty warm he wondered?

Hold up.

Right. Getting horizontal could wait, not like he was going away anytime soon. He just needed to ask that one important question.

Successfully prying Donghae away from parts of his anatomy, he managed to croak a barely audible question, “Are you ever gonna tell me why you left?”

He felt the other tense. Maybe this was too soon and wrong timing.

They had been just kissing and admittedly feeling each other up like teenagers in a school’s storage closet a second ago. No matter how much he needed to set things straight, Donghae hadn’t readily volunteered that piece of information. Vital it might be, it screamed personal now that he’d gleaned from the response.

Expecting a rebuff, Hyukjae steeled himself. Donghae didn’t. He sighed heavily before crawling further up the bed to take position next to him so they were both sitting with their backs against the pillow propped on the headboard.

“I suppose I owe you that much,” he said contemplatively. “You know my father had been sick a while, even before we’ve met. You know how it is, one moment someone was there and the next they were gone.” There was something wistful about the way he said it. It still hurt him to speak about it, Hyukjae knew. “But what can you do, after months and months of revolving doors in and out of the hospital, one would expect to be prepared for it. Except no one could.”

Hyukjae swallowed. “I’m sorry.” He clasped his hand with the other’s on top of the blanket. “But why didn’t you tell anyone? Us. I thought we’re your friends.”

A self-deprecating chuckle as Donghae played with their clasped hands. “Despite all the signs, I had hoped that even for a while he was going to make it. By the time it happened, I was still in denial and didn’t have the time to sort myself out. I was deep inside myself for a while too. I hated that I couldn’t do much to help, but self-pity could only get you so far. It also doesn’t help solve anything.”

It was his turn to chuckle – even if it did sound watery. “I can attest to that, about self-pity.”

“So, I finished up my education privately and helped my family set up shop so to speak. It kept me from thinking too much, worked for me.” Donghae sighed again. “I knew I should’ve called sooner, but by then I thought you all must be doing well without me. After all I was the one who went MIA.”

“We would’ve understood why, you know,” Hyukjae assured. “But I’m glad that you’re back now. I really am.”

Turning to face him fully, the younger man cupped a hand to the side of his face. “So am I.”

Donghae leaned in and they kissed, feeling the tension seeping away from their bodies. In a split second, Hyukjae found himself in Donghae’s lap and he realised he didn’t mind one bit. He wanted to make this man happy, after all that he’d been through despite the other tangents; Hyukjae wanted Donghae to know that he would be there for him.

One gaze at those deep brown eyes, Hyukjae knew he was in this for the long shot. His mouth felt like cotton as Donghae stared back at him. One of those soul-searing stares that made places he didn’t know inside him flip.

“Did I ever tell you how much I love you?” Donghae whispered against his swollen lips.

He gulped past the sting in his eyes. “I don’t seem to remember.”

“Would you remember if I say it again?” A nod. “I _love_ you, Lee Hyukjae. Always have.”

“One more time, I think I need more reassuring.”

A slow smile now, hands holding him on his hips. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Kisses along his jaw, down his throat that left the path burning against his hot skin. Smiling like the cat that got into the cream, Hyukjae managed to pry Donghae’s mouth from his throat for a short while. “I have something to tell you too.”

“What?” The response was snippy and impatient.

A grin split his face. “That I love you.”

Donghae’s returning smile made it all the better for him. He felt triumphant, giddy as a schoolgirl on her first date. He, Lee Hyukjae had put that expression on Donghae’s face and he loved it. Finally, he was doing something right for once in his adult life.

Later, it didn’t matter a damn any longer. That said, Hyukjae was more than pleased to note Donghae didn’t slack one bit in the reassuring department.

\---

“Hae, did you leave-“

Hyukjae froze, unsure how to react to this unexpected visitor. Grimacing, he stood guard like a hawk in the slightly ajar doorway. “What do you want?”

“Ah, already back to pet names? I’m surprised you haven’t gone to _honeybunch_ yet,” Junsu replied instead, not the least bit quelled by his thunderous expression.

“I thought you aren’t talking to me.”

“I planned not to,” his best friend admitted, sighing heavily. “But when your boyfriend keeps telling you that you’re an idiot five times a day, I do feel like I might turn into one soon.”

“True, you are kind of an idiot already,” he agreed, his scowl lessening.

“Pot meet kettle.” Junsu studied him critically, neither making any moves to do anything physical. “And here I thought you’d be moping about. Guess I was wrong.”

They stared at each other. Neither one of them was willing to give in. Hyukjae was the first one to cave. It felt ridiculous standing guard in the doorway of someone else’s apartment. No matter that the apartment belonged to your boyfriend of a few hours.

“Just get your big butt inside,” he hissed.

Junsu rolled his eyes but complied with the request, clearly choosing to ignore the jab about his behind. On hindsight, Hyukjae realised it was probably rude to invite a guest into someone else’s home without permission. At least Junsu wasn’t a stranger to Donghae.

Good enough.

They made a beeline for the living room and took their seats opposite of each other. The silence that followed was deafening. Junsu was giving him the stare of doom, his lips set and arms folded defensively.

Right. This wasn’t going anywhere and someone needed to talk first.

“How’d you know where to find me?” Hyukjae asked into the quiet. “How do you even know where Donghae lives?”

Junsu grimaced. “Yoochun told me.” He shook his head. “Both. He told me for both. He said he ran into you earlier and told you the same thing he told me in a _specific-for-Hyukjae_ version instead of the _you’re-my-lover-but-you’re-a-complete-moron_ version that’s for me.”

“Did you hit him?” he couldn’t help but smile at the pained look on his friend’s face.

His best friend waved his hand absently. “Nah. But I might’ve snarled at him once or twice even though I knew I was just being obstinate. I hate how perceptive he’s becoming. I need to have a talk with Jaejoong hyung.”

He chuckled softly. “Please. I bet you loved the fussing, considering how smitten you are with each other. I swear I keep on leaking rainbows every time I come over for a visit.”

Junsu pointed a finger at him. “Shut up.” His friend sighed heavily, burying his face on the cushion he was holding. “Anyway, here I am. We might as well talk, don’t you think?”

 _I’d rather get a root canal_ , Hyukjae thought. _And you’re a fucking coward_ , the little voice in his head scoffed. He ground his teeth. “Sure.”

They stared at each other for a while, before Hyukjae caved in. “So…you and Donghae back then, what’s the story?”

Junsu sighed and leaned back in his seat. “You know Donghae and I met in the college football club, right?” He nodded. “Well, that much is true. What I didn’t tell you was he found me mooning over Yoochun.”

“You liked him _that_ long?!” he said incredulously. Liked him that long, and didn’t tell me.

“Yeah,” his friend sighed in a self-deprecating manner. “I heard he was finally single from Jaejoong hyung and I thought it was my chance to actually get close to him. You know, as friends first. But –“

“But?”

Another sigh. “I saw him kissing his apparently new girlfriend.” Junsu scowled. “The senior, do you remember?”

“Vaguely, but I think so.”

“Long story short, Donghae saw me and that was that,” his best friend waved his hand. “He saw what I was looking at and thought I was jealous of Yoochun. He was all sweet too, so I sort of spilled my feelings on him. Guy didn’t even blink an eye.”

“I guess it was because he’s friends with Yunho hyung,” Hyukjae concluded.

“Part of it, yes,” Junsu agreed. “But something about him is just inherently accepting, you know? He’s always been so nice to me and everything too.”

Another pause.

“You thought that it would’ve been better if you had fallen for him instead of Yoochun?” he offered his friend.

The other shrugged. “I thought about it once, but I couldn’t bring myself to. Feelings are so troublesome. He saw how hurt I was at having to see Yoochun with someone else since I was close with Jaejoong hyung, he asked if there’s anything he could do to help.”

“So you guys came up with that fake relationship to see if Yoochun would react,” Hyukjae realised with a sudden clarity. “I always wondered why you were hanging out with the basketball team even though you hate basketball.”

Another grimace. “It wasn’t the soundest of plans but blame it on the stupidity of youth.”

“He noticed in the end when you were devastated about the breakup,” he pointed out. “It worked out in the end.”

“That was something else entirely. I was worried about Donghae disappearing suddenly. We all were,” Junsu exhaled loudly. “I confessed that to Yoochun later on while we were dating and he wasn’t happy about our plan, but he forgave me eventually.”

Hyukjae vividly remembered the cold war. Everyone got the chills each time they crossed paths with either Junsu or Yoochun at that point. Yunho who always made a point to stay out of people’s business was ready to plead with Jaejoong to do something about it as it was affecting their basketball team performance.

“I’m jealous that you confided in Donghae instead of me,” he admitted. “I’m your best friend after all. At least let me in on the plan.”

“I was planning on telling you,” Junsu confessed weakly. “We had it set that we were going to have a fairly dramatic breakup and all but Donghae left.” His friend saw the look in his eyes. “If you’re wondering if I knew Donghae left, no, I didn’t. Yunho hyung didn’t either, at least not until much later.”

“Then, why didn’t he tell me, us, after he’d already known?” he asked.

“It wasn’t his place to tell and Donghae didn’t exactly advertise the fact,” his friend assured. “Jaejoong hyung didn’t know until much later too. He was ready to storm the battlements and give Donghae a piece of his mind. Thank god Yunho hyung talked him out of it and told him the real reason.”

Hyukjae shuddered. “Man, he’s scary.”

“You think?” Junsu snorted, before his expression turned serious. “His father’s health had always been poor, but that year it took a turn for the worst. He never let on how serious it was to anybody. He’s Donghae y’know? He’s always making us feel better just by being around. Yunho hyung noticed but even Donghae didn’t say a word of it to him.”

Heart heavy with sadness at the reminder of Donghae’s expression when he told him about it earlier, Hyukjae clenched a fist to his chest. “I know. I just wished I hadn’t been so blindsided back then. We always hung out together and I never thought to ask anything about his regular visits to his hometown. I always took his everything’s fine at face value.”

“I should have as well,” Junsu added. “We all should have then, but no use regretting it now. Back then we all thought we might as well move on.”

They had all tried contacting Donghae in the weeks that followed until his number was no longer in service. One by one they gave up when their calls obviously wouldn’t be returned. Hyukjae had thought it was for the best. He was angry at that time.

The feelings he had felt for Donghae were still there but the resentment that the other vanished without as much a goodbye was stronger. He held on to it in order to forget that this was the man who was his secret love. Junsu was with Yoochun and moving on with his life, it was his queue to move on too. He didn’t hear a peep about him until that faithful night.

“Then how come you haven’t seen him as long I have?” Hyukjae asked with much curiosity.

“I didn’t see him in person, yes, but there’s this ingenious new invention called technology, Lee Hyukjae,” Junsu sighed. “All the while you’re moping about wallowing in your pool of grudge and self-pity; we’ve all been trying to talk things through.”

Stunned, Hyukjae gaped at his best friend. Junsu sighed again, pursing his lips. “I know, I know. I should’ve told you that too but Donghae was being cryptic about the whole thing when he finally contacted Yunho hyung.”

“How long ago was this?” he needed to know.

“About six years ago, I think,” Junsu frowned at him. “Why?”

Instead of answering he placed his head between his knees, the wind knocked clear out of him. He faintly heard Junsu let out a cry of alarm and the scrambling of footsteps before the seat next to him dipped. His heart was beating so loud.

_Six years._

“Hyukkie?” A hand rested on his back, soothing.

He inhaled deeply. His shoulders began shaking from the force of clarity. All the pieces from his past falling together like pieces of jigsaw puzzles. He sat up, eyes meeting Junsu’s worried ones. Only then did he notice that he was actually laughing. His cheeks felt wet.

A swipe across his cheeks. He was crying.

“Hyukkie? Are you okay?” his best friend’s worried voice cut through his hazed mind. “You’re starting to scare me.”

Throwing his arms around Junsu, he couldn’t stop the laughter and tears. His entire body felt so light. “Oh, it’s better than okay. For once, the things in my life are making so much sense.”

“I’m… happy for you?” his best friend still sounded uncertain. “Would you care to explain though?”

Pulling back, he gazed at Junsu. “You said Donghae contacted you all cryptic around six years ago right?” His friend nodded. “I first met him after a long while at that bar and we –“

Understanding dawned on Junsu’s face. “That’s when you got together. Holy crap.”

He nodded, still feeling out of sorts, but at least he’d stopped crying. Junsu was still staring at him with big eyes as if he too had a big revelation. His mind flashed back to the night he and Donghae spent together. It had hurt him more than he was ready to admit when the other left even if he thought the same then.

“Are you still mad at me about that?” Hyukjae asked sheepishly.

Junsu gave him a side-glance. “Are you still mad at me for not telling you the truth about my and Donghae’s relationship back then?”

Briefly he thought about it. “Not really.”

A huge grin broke across Junsu’s face. “Feeling’s mutual, bestie.”

They spoke more about the past and present, all the things that needed clarifying. It was obvious the moment they started speaking they had a few things to smooth over. However, for once there was no guilt and carefully padded resentment boiling beneath the surface.

“In the spirit of honesty, I need to tell you one more thing,” he declared. His friend looked at him, clearly interested. “That day we had a fight, I came with a bruise on my cheek? Donghae was being a pain and I kissed him.”

“Oh, wow,” Junsu replied, bemused. “He was being a pain and your default reaction was to kiss him? You really need help.”

“Clearly,” he agreed with a shake of his head. “Then he punched me and I left.”

“You two need help,” Junsu amended, but he was smiling.

It felt liberating for Hyukjae. Yoochun was right. He needed this, so did Junsu. Their silliness had gone on for too long and it was affecting their relationship with each other and people they knew. Hyukjae didn’t know how long they sat there, simply talking. After what seemed like forever, Junsu froze and stared at the open bedroom door.

Glimpsing the messed up sheets, Junsu shot him a knowing smirk. “I believe you've been royally tumbled.”

Not taking the bait, Hyukjae winked instead. “I sure feel like it.”

They beamed goofily at each other, feeling like teenage boys discovering their first adult magazine. Settling deeper in their comfortable seats, they stayed silent. Hyukjae had a feeling that his best friend was feeling as relieved as he was. They’d just managed to talk things through after all.

“Do you suppose things would've worked out better sooner if we did it differently?” Junsu said thoughtfully some time later.

Hyukjae chewed on that for a moment. “Maybe. Maybe not, but this ending doesn't seem too bad.” He glanced at his best friend. “In fact, it's the best.”

“Well now…look who's smug,” the other leered.

“Hush. I feel smug.”

Junsu flashed him a Cheshire grin. “Did you let him know that?”

Hyukjae snorted. “Please. His ego doesn't need any more inflating.”

“So...how was it?”

Hyukjae feigned innocence. “How was what?”

“Oh, c'mon. Don't play dumb with me,” the other sniffed. “Is it better than the first?”

Hyukjae pretended to think, hmming with slow thoughtfulness. Cracking up, Junsu threw a cushion at him. They broke into unified laughter soon after. It was much later in the evening when Junsu finally left. When he reached the door, he paused.

“Wanna go out this weekend?” his best friend asked.

“Isn’t weekend your cuddle day?” Hyukjae wiggled his finger teasingly.

His friend stuck his tongue out at him childishly. “Jealous.” He was grinning though. “Yoochun'll be out with Yunho hyung and Changmin. I’m pretty sure Donghae's going with them too.”

“Changmin’s back?”

Junsu nodded. “Jaejoong hyung's the one who suggested it. We can go out or stay in or even both. Personally I think I'd rather camp in and take a few rounds of Jaejoong hyung's infamous cooking.”

That Hyukjae couldn't agree more. “Count me in. I miss his cooking too.”

“Cool,” the other smiled. “See you, Hyukkie.”

“See you.” As Junsu walked away, he called out to him. He waited for his friend to turn. “Hey, thanks for today.”

“No, thank you too.” Junsu grinned. “Just don't get addicted. You do need to work after all.”

He parted with his unique laugh that had grown familiar to Hyukjae over the years. His cheeks creased at the reminder. The tension in his body unknotted and for the first time in a long while, he no longer felt the heaviness in his stomach or the cold grip around his chest.

Things were starting to look up for him after all.

\---

The doorbell rang again, not long after Junsu left. Rising from his seat in the living room, Hyukjae pulled the door open. Donghae stood before him, holding up takeout bags and wearing a huge grin that lit up his handsome face. Hyukjae couldn’t help but return the smile.

It was impossible not to adore this man. He, himself, was proof enough. Taking the bags from Donghae’s hand and closing the door behind them, he let the other kiss him on the lips chastely. It felt embarrassingly domestic but he thought, to hell with it.

“I saw Junsu on the way up,” Donghae said, when they both took their seat on the sofa Hyukjae had abandoned. “How’d it go?”

Brows furrowing, Hyukjae fixed him with an assessing stare. “What makes you think anything was going on?”

Donghae merely looked at him, clearly not in the mood for anymore of his dodging. He took his time replying, however. They ate in silence until the takeout containers were clean. Now, the two of them sat in companionable quiet waiting for one or the other to speak. It was Hyukjae who broke it.

“Junsu told me,” he began.

“Huh?”

“Junsu told me everything,” he repeated. “From the fake relationship and everything else was history.”

A slow nod. “Guess he beat me to the punch, huh?” Donghae mused. “I never said anything before. You didn’t seem happy when Junsu introduced us back then. You look even less pleased when Junsu said we were dating.”

“No, I wasn’t,” he objected. “I became your friend if you recall. We even hung out together.”

“Not before you’ve managed to give me the stare of doom for the better part of the first several weeks we were getting to know each other.”

“Fine,” Hyukjae huffed. “Only because you were just too damn nice to be true. And I was half right in the end.”

“So I’m a rat with a probable cause?”

“Aptly put.”

“You were always a possessive little thing,” Donghae grinned.

“I’m taller than you, moron,” he growled indignantly. “That only works if you’re bigger.”

“I am bigger,” a knowing smirk and Hyukjae felt his face burn.

Grunting in irritation, he shoved away a leering Donghae and headed for the bedroom.

“Are you inviting me there, Hyukkie darling?” the other drawled.

“Come if you want to come, if you’re just going to be annoying, stay out.”

“Awww, my heart bleeds. You should be gentler with me you know. I’m such a fragile little blossom after all.” His voice sounded closer to the bedroom now that Hyukjae cared to notice. “And oh, I can come if you want. You can choose where too.”

He could practically hear his teeth grinding. “You won’t be if you continue to be so … so … _uncouth_.”

Even without turning around, Hyukjae could practically hear the eyebrows rising at his choice of word. “Nah. You love me too much to do that.”

“Consider yourself a lucky bastard.”

“I know I am.”

Donghae sounded so close and so smug. He was going to tell him how smug was unattractive but the younger man managed to manoeuvre him in half a second with his back ending up pressed against the hard wall. And Hyukjae found that he didn’t care anymore.

Smug or not, he was smitten and he wanted this disgustingly cheesy exchange. Hyukjae just knew it.

Donghae knew it, too.

\---

The weekend came quickly enough. Hyukjae was left in a daze by the new development in his life. Everything was in order and he couldn’t be happier. His parents ran into Donghae when they dropped by for a surprise visit and was delighted to once again see the other. He complained that his mother was spoiling Donghae too much but it didn’t really matter.

They ended up having an impromptu hotpot courtesy of Hyukjae’s sister who showed up bearing the necessary ingredients. When his family finally left, Donghae stayed and managed to convince him to sacrifice his sleep despite his promise to meet up with the others early the following morning.

Of course, he showed up late at Jaejoong and Yunho’s apartment. Jaejoong gave him the third degree about tardiness but he could tell the older was just pleased to see him happy. He waved the bag of groceries in his hands as a peace offering. Entering the lavish living room, he saw Junsu helping himself to a huge bowl of popcorn.

“Hey, Junsu,” he called out.

His best friend waved his arm absently at him without taking his eyes off of the television in front of him. Jaejoong marched over and snatched the bowl away from Junsu. “Hey!”

“I told you not to eat too much,” the older scolded, hiding the bowl behind him. “You’re going to ruin your appetite.”

“You sound like my mum,” Junsu grumbled. Hyukjae grinned.

“Who was it that wanted to stay in and make me slave over cooking for everyone?” Jaejoong shot back, heading into the kitchen and dumping the popcorn into a container.

“Please, don’t pretend you hate doing it,” the younger muttered, rolling his eyes.

“Do you want to get fed or not?” Jaejoong asked sweetly, sweet enough to cover pancakes for the whole city.

“Yes, mother.”

They were almost done waiting for the soup to be ready when the doorbell sounded. Jaejoong looked up from the boiling pot at Hyukjae and Junsu. “I asked Yoochun to pick up some dessert on the way, do you mind getting that?”

Hyukjae stood up without further prompting, while Junsu tried to sneak another bite of the popcorn he was asked to abandon in favour of helping out with preparations. Still grinning, he went to open the door.

“You’re not dessert,” he blurted out without thinking.

“I can be.”

“What’re you doing here? Shouldn’t you be with the guys?” Hyukjae asked, taking the desserts from the beaming Donghae.

“I dropped by just to see you for a bit before I go. I miss your dumb face.”

“Watch it. I haven’t completely forgiven you yet.”

His huff was not nearly as effective as he hoped it would be. Pleasant warmth spread from his tummy to the rest of his body. Donghae took his baffled look as permission to grope.

“Hey, hey. No playing grabass in my house,” came Jaejoong’s scowling voice from behind them.

Turning, Donghae simply flashed the older man a cherubic smile. “You should take your own advice, hyung.”

“Out,” Jaejoong shooed, ignoring the jibe, brandishing his spatula menacingly. “No distracting Hyukjae.”

“See you tomorrow, baby.”

Donghae left with a tinkling laugh as Hyukjae stood frozen in the doorway holding the dessert boxes, still unsure of what had just happened. Whistling, Junsu appeared behind him, staring at the now empty corridor and prodding the door close with one foot.

“Damn, he moves fast.”

Jaejoong clicked his tongue impatiently. “Hyukjae, stop mooning and get back here in the kitchen. Junsu, you too. Take the desserts away before he ruins them.”

Heart still fluttering, he made it to the kitchen sans dessert boxes without any incident. He was going to have a hell of a time getting used to these new feelings.

And he was oddly okay with that.

 

\---

 

“I’ve always wondered where you went off to.”

Startled, Hyukjae spun around to find Donghae looking at him contemplatively. He almost lost his balance but managed to steady himself against the studio’s mirror. “What’re you doing here?”

“I followed you.” Hyukjae frowned at this and he raised his hands in defence. “I’ve been asking Junsu and he’s all cagey about the subject each time I brought it up.”

“It’s private.”

The younger boy stepped into the room, looking around appreciatively. “Don’t worry. He didn’t nark. I saw you leave and decided to follow.”

Hyukjae stared.

“You look beautiful dancing,” Donghae offered, a soft smile playing on his lips.

He flushed – pleased and a bit embarrassed. Instead, he said uncertainly, “Promise you won’t tell?”

It was the only solace against the rush of blood flowing in his ears and the uneven thumping of his heart. None of it had to do with his dancing. He felt warm, too warm. And he was sweating in places he didn’t know had any right to be.

“Cross my heart,” the other smiled again.

“Then, you can stay.”

 

Those words meant more to him than he could say, so he turned once more and continued dancing. As it was, it was the same with the other who kept silent and continued watching.


End file.
